all for now

all i can say is i wish i felt better. a lot better. i feel so betrayed by my mind and body right now. all i want to do is rest and not even think about thinking what's wrong with me- which by the way- the GI dr said it's probably anxiety. So now two drs have said that and i guess as of RIGHT NOW that makes sense- b/c yes I am anxious because I don't know why I can't eat and my throat feels so closed and swallowing is so hard and why I feel like there is something in my throat. I'm seeing another GI dr next thursday mainly b/c I feel like the one I saw the other day blew me off b/c I'm "20 so nothing can be wrong with me." I wake up each day saying "it's going to be a good day today- finally." but somehow it isn't and it hasn't been since last saturday.

well that's all for now.

realization

i just realized yesterday that this is my last full week of school. and i feel so unprepared. there is so much to do this week and next week. finals should be ok- i mean they won't be a blast but they will be ok. so this is like the worst time for me to have see a billion (ok about two) doctors.

but today i get to go see a GI doctor. I woke up so excited. is that weird? when you're excited to go see a doctor? i just want my appetite back- i miss chiptole! and i want to be able swallow things ok. and i don't want to feel like something is stuck in my thoart anymore. oh goodness. and i don't want chest pain anymore. or anything else!


that's all for now. 3 weeks left of school (including finals week) and doctor today!

more ER?

it is cold and rainy and my lips are chapped.
here is the most recent story....

so greg and i went to austin for thanksgiving. i had such a great time. i love my new family. i love dripping springs. i loved thanksgiving- it was a great trip.
we got back friday and i had to work on saturday. at work i started experience the same chest pain that took me to ER on wednesday morning. so my parents told me i should go back to the hospital and we'll figure everything out and stay as long as we have to. my step dad met us there and after I took an EKG they decided to do the "fast track" and took me a trauma room. i was ok but they had seen something on my EKG that caused them some worry so I was given some nitroglycerin (it opens your veins or valves to let blood flow better) and my heartbeat got so fast and crazy- i think that was the most scared i've felt in awhile but there were nurses watching my moniters so i guess everything was ok. i was also giving potassium and after they decided my heart was beating extremely rapidly i was given a beta blocker to slow my heart rate back down. after about 4 hours we saw a cardiologist and he said he didn't think there was anything wrong with my heart but that if i wanted to i could stay over night and they would run some more tests on me. i chose to stay over night and they took my blood to look at my heart enzymes to check on my oxygen levels every three hours or so. staying over night was ok- i was nervous most of the night- i really do think that hospitals make you feel worse than you actually are- but at the same time it's reassuring knowing that someone is watching you and making sure you are healthy. the next day the cardiologist came back and said my heart looked fine and healthy and i was free to go. Good news.
we think my chest pain is being caused by something to do with my esphagous and stomach- so i see a GI sometime this week.
please keep praying!

Like Grey's Anatomy but Not

I am waiting to do laundry. Before we leave for Austin- laundry must be done. So must be tons of other things like: shower, pick up prescriptions, get dog food, etc etc etc. Too much. Yet we continue to sleep and after last night I don’t blame us.

Here is the deal.

Recently I’ve had trouble swallowing and my throat has felt tight. This happened about a month ago but then it came back. Alongside the whole tight throat thing my heartbeat (to me) has felt weird off and on. So those two things together have worried me greatly- but I didn’t know what the cause could be but on Monday night during one of Greg’s shows all of a sudden my vision got blurry and my heart started racing, I don’t think anything major would’ve happened but it was big scare. We decided to stay over at my parents so I get visit my dr. in the morning and my dr. decided to check for thyroid problems and she has me hooked up to a 24 hr EKG. So on top of all of this around 5 last night I started to feel a weird pressure in my chest, like a some is applying moderate to heavy force with their hand on my chest. And I felt that way the whole night until I woke up at 3 in the morning and decided that it wasn’t a good feeling and I should probably get it all checked out. But since it’s the holidays and 3:00 am going to see my dr. in dallas wasn’t even an option. So I decided to go to the ER. Which sounds incredibly drastic and in no way do I feel that I am experiencing an honest emergency- but I wanted to at least know that I was ok because we are going out of town and all of the tests that my dr. is running on me won’t even be come back until after thanksgiving and I’ll be back at school. So while I felt like a wimp for going there I am glad I did- even if it did take about 4 hours out of our sleep (lovingly Greg went with me). ER dr did some tests and all came back normal and great and she then decided to prescribe some medicine that would help the pressure in my chest calm down- which I’m not incredibly sure if it’s working but I do feel a little better?
And now today we travel down to Austin and I suppose I am ok- I hope I am ok- I am sure I am. I just don’t know about chest pains, I know about the flu and colds- but the whole pressure in my chest and tight throat- that’s new to me. So please pray that it is nothing and everything will pass today!

Other news:
-Greg did play a show on Monday at Opening Bell coffee- he did so great. A lot of friends were playing so it was a fun show until we had to leave.
- it is cold outside. I love it.
- I love my new job also.

On to Austin!

to recap all that is happening

- greg has glasses. he knows he needs them but he's not sure if they are helping or hurting.
they look good on him
- i like my new job, it's information overload. but i like it.
- i can't show my tatoo at my new job, it must be covered. i can feel my mom smirking at this sentence.
- we're going to the symphony on sunday. i scored free tickets from my church traditions prof.
- we're going to austin for thanksgiving. i am very excited. however, it will be my first thanksgiving in about ten yrs to not be with my mom- weird! i'm happy we're going out of town.
- i am so excited about next year and katherine's plans. i really i hope (i am sure) they will come true. i just need to figure out this ministry thing...bah.
- the semester will be over in about three weeks. insane.
- i get paid THREE times before christmas! (i found my mom the perfect christmas gift too)
- i can't read things too long w/o my glasses
- i had to wake up early on saturday (today) to be at work on time...but as you can see i am wasting that time on here.
- i can't wait for christmas shopping. i need to make a list for everyone.
- i can't wait for finals to be over, with that being said i think i only have three. HOWEVER, i have TWO that are take home essays...so still not great, but better than a blue book.

Oh Holidays What Change You Bring.

it is 47 days away from Christmas. i'm very excited about this. but in the spirit of being a fair-holiday-lover I will not forget Thanksgiving. upon this mind set I am planning on keeping my Thanksgiving/Halloween decorations up until it is after Thanksgiving. It's just some pumpkins and ugly/interesting squashes. I have my eye set on a mini silver, tinsel tree from Urban Outfitters. So after Thanksgiving it will be properly time for Christmas. The only thing is all of my Christmas music is gone. I used to have a plethora of great Christmas music, I had about 15 versions of O Holy Night and now it is all gone. That is what happens when your PC crashes. And since I'm trying to be moral and not illegal dl music I'm stuck with whatever I can get. Bah Humbug.

So I quit the GAP. Yup. No more folding pants or wasting my life away in the fitting rooms getting a different sized shirt for a women and telling her what it looks like. No more awkwardly standing around trying to figure out what I can do next. No more messing up at the cash register- I'm quite horrible at ringing people up. And no more timidly asking someone if they want a GapCard. I do think I will miss the people I met there, the other employees.

I will be working at the The Grand Pet Resort and Spa. I'll be working with Guest Services- which is basically a receptionist to pet owners and their animals. I'm excited. I will have constant hours and it's better paying. Infact it's the best paid job I have ever worked. This is exciting. I start next Wednesday.

Greg's last day at FamilyNet is tomorrow. I am not sure if that change that is coming for us is a good one or a bad one? I know that I great covet the time I spend with Greg and I am a little afraid that our schedules will not merge how I want them too, we have been so luck so far in that we have been blessed to get to spend hours and hours together every day. Lucky us.

We have no real plans for Thanksgiving currently. It's a little sad. Usually I am not even aware that Thanksgiving plans are made (what a production!) until Thanksgiving day when I find myself stuffing stuffing (haha) into my mouth. I love those leftovers. But for right now my famil has no big plans and Greg tells me the same for his family. So what do we do? I definately want the traditional Thanksgiving feast (of course minus the Turkey).

I've been writing a paper for the past hour 1/2- 2 hours. I'm kind of at a standstill- between trying to grasp my conclusion. I don't really know what I wrote about and I don't really understand what I wrote. Goodness. I was talking to a classmate who said "I just hope to be done by midnight," and I know I should probably stay up until midnight- trying to figure out what Thomas Aquinas is saying and trying to understand what I am saying but honestly I don't care. I care about my grade which is why after Grey's Anatomy I will work on making my paper as readable and relatable to the subject as possible but I don't really care enough to stay up until midnight. I know that if I were to stay up until midnight I would make the same grade as if I were to stay up until 9 or 10 working on this.
Sometimes I am so bored of school.
Bored of Fort Worth too.
I wish I could be a professional reader, I would be great at that.

a revelation

i've stopped drinking coffee.
not completely.
but for the most part my life has been coffee free for the last three weeks. this (if you know me) is somewhat huge. but it wasn't a huge change, it just kinda happened. and i'm glad. i've been drinking tea and not even that religiously, i just like having something hot to drink.

somehow i have gotten through this semester without owning any ink for my printer. i've been using the library printer. i'm debating on buying some b/c i hate the detour to the library but i think i might see if i can keep it up. or at least wait until thursday.

i have a second job interview with the ppl i interviewed for last week. it's tomorrow. i'm excited/nervous. i'll be up there for about two hours (or that's at least the scheduled time).

greg and i have never had a fight. we have (i think) thought about fighting and we have been on the verge at least twice of having a fight but somehow we have escaped the actually fighting. and that's because we decided to ignore the issue. we just both realized how we didn't like hurting each other and that we'd rather talk about everything rationally than fighting about something. i love this. but i know that eventually we might have a fight. i look forward to making up with greg after the fight but not the actual fight- i hate all those fight-y feelings.

friday is greg's last day at familynet. while that is an incredilby scary thing it's also a little exciting. it means that greg gets to have a fresh start at whatever he wants to do. and there are so many possibilities. i don't want to sound too cheesy but it's true. we've been making lists and notes of everything that he could do and each day something new comes up. so while our future is not set in stone, i know God will provide. maybe the future isn't supposed to be so clear. that's probably where faith and trust in God comes in?
(a lot of these past sentences come from my own experiences- i have NO idea what i want to do either)

Home, Where the Heart Is

yesterday wa long and good. it felt like i was in high school again and dependent on my parents to move around the city.
which is sometimes an ok thing.

i met my mom at the doctor where he didn't really give us a diagnosis or anything. he just basically said the keep on watch.
i then got two shots (and two sore arms!)

and then my mom took me over to the neighborhood where they are moving. it's over by oak lawn for those who know dallas.
we decided to eat at cosmic cafe which we had both heard GREAT things about. but we were both incredibly disappointed. mom and i both recieved upset stomachs and yucky tasting food. i don't think i will ever go back there. it could've had something to do with my thai-food-food-posioning and the similiar flavours and smells at cosmic cafe. it was just gross.

after that we went to go see the new house. i love it. it's the same square footage as our house in plano but for some reason it seems smaller. there is no backyard really- just a patio. but the detailing (like the checkerboard wood floors) is amazing. my room/the guest room has a vaulted ceiling, balcony, and jacuzzi tub. they plan on moving either when our plano house sells or after the holidays. whichever comes first.

i took a nap on the study at the new house (there is no furniture there yet) while mom talked to a neighbor. a later found out that their other neighbor has a cat named Abby. Abby is a boy but Abby's owner didn't know that until after she named him Abby. She also walks Abby on a lease. It's a good cat, I got to meet him later.

After the nap, mom and I went up to Whole Foods where we walked around both feeling too sick from lunch to get really into the grocery shopping experience. She got some really good blueberry muffins for all of us in the morning and some coffee and chocolate macaroons. I love macaroons.

Paul met us at the new house and mom and I got ready for dinner. Then Greg drove in from FW and met us there too. For dinner we went to Watels, Allen Street Cottage. It's a place we have looked at in regards to the wedding. At first we wanted it to be the wedding reception site. But it was just too small to fit everyone. but the rehearsal dinner would have a smaller number of people and Watels has the perfect atmospher and cuisine for a nice rehearsal dinner. So we ate a fantastic meal and talked to the manager about the logistics of having a rehearsal dinner there. The only thing he really said that would cause us to shy away from booking it was that he didn't know if they would still be in business b/c having a restaurant in Dallas is hard. SO GO EAT THERE.

Today the Plano house is being shown at 2. So Greg and I will pack our bags and straighten our rooms to make the house more sell-able. The new place already feels like home. Probably b/c I have moved out of my current home. and while it is still "home" I know that in 1 year, 1 month, and 17 days I will have new home. A home that I have been waiting for even when I wasn't really thinking about it (I have never been one of those girls that planned her future in retrospect to a husband). And because I know that home is where I will be in almost one year and that home is really where my family is- I don't think the move will be that hard. There are a lot of good memories here (in Plano). Tons. But I think we are all ready for a new chapter to begin.

11-1. 10-31.

It is November 1st.

i now have two savings accounts
olive had surgery today (we pick her up at 4:30- she is doing fine so says the vet)
greg presented me with the most gift for halloween
i paid a parking ticket and got it reduce to half
i have a load of laundry going
my kitchen is still incredibly dirty
grey's anatomy comes on tonight
greg's work is having a party
and i bought a new book


yesterday for halloween we only got TWO trick-or-treaters.
TWO.
how pathetic.
we even carved a pumpkin. i have NEVER carved a pumpkin. but we did. and we swept the porch. we even bought candy for the little kids. but only two.
the upside is we have a huge bowl of dark chocolate waiting for us.

The gift Greg gave me for Halloween is a cd of a song that he wrote that I've been wanting since I first heard it. It's a worship song and incredibly beautiful. I was so surprised and happy to get it. One of the best presents ever.