mind frames

several things are hitting my mind right now to discuss.

1. my dinner tonight was odd. it started out normal with cheese quesadillas from the fairly new restaurant Red Cactus. they were nice and cheesy. the guac was good as was the salsa. but i felt really full afterwards, bad full.

i got done with class at 8:40 and i came home and decided to reward myself for the seven hours i had just spent doing homework, eating thin mints, and reading for school. so i made some cookies. the little nestle mini cookies. perfect size. well after eating two of those my hunger was lusting for more. so i ate some yogurt, rice crispies, and honey. and put two more cookies in the oven...except these were actually four more. and then, once those were gobbled up by my gluttony i ate some sugar snap peas. for nutrition.

2. i have recently developed a fear of swelling. my face swelling. my tongue swelling. my throat swelling. etc etc. how was this caused...i don't know. but i look in the mirror every seven minutes to make sure my features look normal. 

3. i read the essay "American Goth" by Sarah Vowell this morning. i want to post it here soon, if i can find it online. i think it's the best essay in her book "Take the Cannoli," a book of a series of essays about her life. I  didn't like Vowell or her book until I found out she was a contributor to NPR. Once I discovered this I felt a weird connection between us, like I know your voice and your story from your voice. I know you don't drive, you're dad re-builds guns, your 1/8 or 1/4 Cherokee, and you have a twin sister. 

4. I have two drafts done for my papers due tomorrow. Right now I am reveling in the fact that I don't have class until 12:30 so I can finish those papers.

5. Would it be bad to eat more cookies? I must restrain myself.

6. In the coming weeks I'm supposed to write a letter to someone in the profession I want to enter. I am supposed to mail this letter to my someone. I am supposed to interview them. And if that's not humilating  enough I'm supposed to make a portfolio about my someone and also send it to them.

so here is the question: what do i want to be?

here is my answer: a professional reader. let me lie in bed with a cup of coffee and read my little heart out. let me read good books for the rest of my life. let me not have to write responses on those books unless stirred to do so. let me sit in front of the fireplace with olive at my feet as i make my through the next bestseller or a tired, old favourite.

is there such a profession?

7. speaking of books. what should i read next? i just finished "Jesus Land" by Julia Scheeres.  It was great. I couldn't put it down. I started Saturday night and finished Sunday afternoon.

8. I'm also making my way through Sex and the City, Season 6. Where Charlotte meets Harry. I smile this big romantic smile when I see them together. But I recently came to a dilemma, I am now borrowing Season 7 of Gilmore Girls from my friend Katharine. So the question is: Manhattan or Stars Hollow?

9. This morning, or was it yesterday? I dreamt that Greg and I would move into a big rent-to-own farm house with some land. Not a lot of land, but a nice amount for Olive to scamper about on. We would paint it and re-do somethings in it. We would place all of our humble-jumble furniture in it and turn it into something beautiful. I wonder if this will happen.

10. I miss the community of church. I miss church. I miss desiring God. I miss wanting to go to Church, I miss sermons. I miss church friends.  Why am I at this standstill in my relationship with God? We have this on-again, off-again relationship going and I want it to be permanently on. I pray, but should I pray harder? Do I need quiet time? I read some of Matthew last week and I understood most of thanks to past sermons and readings but I don't think I got much out of it other than the fact I opened my Bible...it's been a couple of months. I was once told that you should read your Bible until you get something out of it. I guess I was looking for something life changing. I want God to move in me, but how? What do I need to do to reaffirm my faith?

11. I just fed my dog low-fat turkey.

and ode to my life

i need to write something.

tonight is pizza and sex and the city. more, i know.
oh i know.
but how can you beat that.
and i finally get cereal tonight. after craving it for 2 weeks.

we drove around keller today.
we saw only one cool housing division.
let me know if you know where any are.
not that we're moving there. just looking.

we also went through southlake.
and ended up in grapevine.
and the mad house that is "steve and barry's"
b/c sarah jessica parker has a clothing line now
and i wanted some of the goods
but most of them were picked over. and the amount of ppl in the store made me feel crazy.
so i bought a shirt dress which turned out to be almost a little too small...?
and a shirt. which might be ok?

i may exchange them.

we then took naps. oh i love naps.
naps that felt like hours and hours and no alarm clock.
naps that were only woken up by hunger.
and now i know that i need to homework.
i need to read, read, read. and write.
but all i want to do is curl up with greg, pizza, and sjp.
who can blame me?

short essay 1

the more people read the more limitations i have in writing. meaning... i don't want to offend anyone. at least not yet.

here is a short essay i wrote this morning. i'll probably turn it in for my class titled "The Essay." i've done no editing to it yet.


Picking Fleas

When I was little my mom was always picking things off of me. Somehow I attracted little bits of fuzz and hairs all over my clothes and my mom felt it was her duty to preen me. We would stand in the check out line at the grocery store and my mom would plant herself behind and pluck the little hairs away. I would turn beet red and exclaim that she was embarrassing me. My mom would then say, “Ericka, all mom’s do this.” I would shake my head and turn my back towards the stand of gum flavors so she wouldn’t be able to pluck. This behavior reminded me of the monkeys in National Geographic, picking and plucking fleas from other monkey’s backs. A long line of monkeys with my mom’s maternal instincts, just picking and plucking.

Eventually I became aware of the little hairs on my sweaters, these little intruders to my freshly washed turtlenecks and dry cleaned coats. I think when I became aware of these intrusions is when I started to become like my mother. I am sure that I am not the only one who cares so much about the state of their clothing. But I feel like everyone will notice that one long white hair that is gracefully swept across the back of my left shoulder. Where did that hair come from? I don’t have white or even blonde hair and I’ve been inside my apartment the whole day. I conclude it’s from my ever-shedding cream ½ angora hair, ½ wool sweater. I pick the hair off my shoulder and my primal instincts flare. My mom has taught me well.
I have been more than self conscious lately about these hairs, these fuzzies… in fact I have been obsessed. Last spring I purchased I dog from the Humane Society. I didn’t know anything about puppies and I didn’t think she would shed. I was wrong. So wrong.

Olive is a delight. The one trick she knows is “sit.” Rather, that is the one trick she will do without a treat. But she knows other things like “jump up” or “get down” and I think she even knows “lay down” and “come here” but she chooses not to listen to those commands. We got her at 2 months old. She was this chubby, red haired, freckly puppy. She looked a lot like I did as a toddler. She had little black spots on her nose and olive green eyes. That is why we named her Olive. Since then her eyes have changed to a reddish-brown, they match her coat. She was sick when we got her. She had this horrible runny nose and she sneezed throughout the night. I never had maternal instincts until that first night. All she did was sleep. When she finally got well, the Terror started. She had these sharp little puppy teeth and sharp little puppy claws. She followed us everywhere and everywhere we went came those little sharp Horrors. She was teething…teething us. She snapped her jaws in the air just trying to catch something, anything in her jaws to gnaw on. Snap snap snap, she looked like an alligator. She ran around clumsily with her mouth wide open and when she finally skidded to stop her jaws would wrap around whatever was near her and she would chew and gnaw in a dreamy satisfaction. I didn’t notice the hairs until the summer time. She had kept most of her coat through months 3 and 4.

We took her to the vet in early June and he said, “oh she’s starting to shed.” I looked at my fiancé with dread and sent up a silent prayer that it wouldn’t be bad. But Olive has a very thick coat. Most women would die for hair like hers. And starting from that day on I found little hairs everywhere I went. On my jeans, on my socks, the pillow, my shirts, and large clumps on my sweatpants. No amount lint brushes could take away those little red hairs. Those little red reminders that Olive was with me…as if I didn’t have the teething scars to prove it.

I don’t want to be the lady covered in pet hair. I wonder if I should start wearing a colour that would match the hairs… but redheads don’t look good in red, at least that’s what I think. I guess I’m grateful that my hair matches my dog’s hair. Those fine DNA samples, oh the cloning we could do with them. It’s not just my clothing that suffers from Olive’s love it’s also the carpet, the bed, the car. The car is the worst. I promise I’m not as messy as my car looks. But when Olive is in the car; that is when she sheds the most. I guess it’s from the excitement of going somewhere. To a dog it’s a great adventure, Homeward Bound all over again. I feel like a whole other dog could be formed from the hair that sticks the grey, cloth seats.
My mother sat in the backseat of my car during Christmas. At first it was fine and we were talking about what a disappointment Christmas lunch at been at the Hilton. For the last four years no one in my family has wanted to cook on Christmas day so we have made reservations at various fancy Hotels with ice sculptures and buffets. My mom was sitting in the backseat and I was in the front passenger seat.

“I just don’t think what we paid was worth it,” mom says

“Yeah, they didn’t have that many vegetarian options,” is my response- I’m a vegetarian

“I guess we won’t…” Mom stops mid sentence and I look back behind me, her face is twisted in disgust and I know, oh I know.
All over her nice black coat is Olive. Red hairs forming patterns and puzzles. My car is a harbor for this Red Sea. I apologize profusely to my mom and she takes it gracefully. But I feel like I’m ten years old again and I’m being told to clean my room. I help my mom pick the little red hairs from her nice black coat and I explain that I usually don’t ever look in the backseat and mom says that Olive shouldn’t be allowed in my car anymore. I silently agree. My mom’s disgust is my disgust and as much as I love my dog I shudder with every little hair I pick up and toss out the window. I look at my mom and I realize I am like her. Her genetics, her mannerisms, even her smile is mine. I follow her hand as she plucks and throws, plucks and throws, my hand is a mirror imagine. We are that long line of monkeys, sitting on a large fallen tree trunk, picking fleas.

books to read or finish reading...

middlesex-
so i started this book awhile ok and i really hated it. i didn't like "the virgin suicides" either. but i kept reading it and it's gotten incredibly good. really good. unfortunately i had to take a break from reading it with school starting and all but since i'm going to go get my brakes checked this morning i thought i would read it at Pep Boys.



jesus land-
i heard it's good



dracula-
i started the first twenty pages of it and then remember that i still had another book to finish.



a million little pieces-
supposedly some of it is not true but regardless it's still supposed to be a good book.

the refridgerator

what is in my fridge:

*2 bottles of salsa
1. the winner of the best Austin salsa
2. hernadez salsa- i think
*1 almost empty jug of OJ
*1 box of soy milk
*1 jug of water
*1 very old bottle champagne that has never been opened
*a bag of chocolate
*hummus
*land of lakes butter, one stick
*2 bottles of soy sauce
*2 jams: blackberry and strawberry
*2 cans of sliced olives
*2 spritzers of salad dressing
1. red wine
2. balsamic
*spicy mustard
*3 jars of peanut butter... THREE!
*baking soda

and finally,
*salt lick barbeque sauce

that's so sad. i have the fridge of a male bachelor.

Experience VS. Education

This is Greg by the way! I have not written in a very long time but my name is attached to the title of this blog so i think i should post something every once in a while. I have been looking for a new job/career path for a good 3 months now and it seems to me that your experience is much more important than your education. Almost everyone has turned me down because I don't have enough experience in that specific field of work. I hear that the economy is slowing and no one is hiring right now so I guess the bosses don't want to take a chance on anyone unless they are already experienced. This brings to mind my theory that your first job out of college is a very important decision and milestone in a persons career. It could possibly define what field of work you will stay in for a long time. Right now I feel like I am in a catch 22, meaning that I don't have the experience i need for the jobs I want and I cant afford to go back to school or take an entry-level position if they were out there! Oh, and for the jobs I really want, you pretty much have to work for free for about 2 years before they even consider taking you on full-time. I just don't have the luxury of taking an internship like that and still being able to live. Sometimes I regret working at Familynet for as long as I did because it really hindered my work experience, but then I realize that I probably would not have ever met Ericka and that makes up for everything. With her, I feel like the wealthiest man alive! I know a lot of people who put their careers before anything else and because of that they have really great jobs. I know people who move across the country for a new job, but leave the one they love behind. I couldn't do it. In my world, I have something way more valuable, fulfilling, and rare with my fiance. It's a relationship that works without all the work. I know that relationships take work, but they shouldn't take so much work that it drains the life out of you. As a matter of fact, i have found with Ericka, that the more work we put into our relationship, the more we reap in happiness and fulfillment. Most likely, jobs and careers are going to change, but our relationship will always remain. For now, I think my new job/career is more or less a waiting game, I know the Lord will provide just like he always does and will provide a new job for me when the time comes. In the meantime I am still on the hunt and still sending resume's while I work at Starbucks. I do know one thing for sure is that wherever the Job is, it will not be away or take away from my relationship with Ericka. Can't wait to see what's next!

cheers

school starts tomorrow. i already have homework... two thumbs down for that.

today we skipped church (again... i know). greg's allergies have been giving him a really really hard time. right now he is curled up on my bed fast asleep. his right eye is all swollen and red and watery. i think he was up half of the night dealing with allergies. so we decided to stay in today.
instead of church we continued our way through the greatness that is "Freaks and Geeks." i can't believe i've never seen that show. it's amazing. and i made fried eggs and bagels.
then we went to Target and i bought my school supplies for this semester (folders and notebooks).
and now i just finished cleaning my incredibly gross bathroom and kitchen. my bathroom was the worst. i don't understand how such a small space can be so disgusting????!!? now it is sparkling clean. all i have left to do is finish organizing some and vacuum. easy.

i guess i'm ready for this semester. usually i have such a good time buying school supplies- it used to be one of my favourite activities but this year i was bored and tired of it. i guess i'm ready for school to be over with. some people love college and it's not that i don't...it's just i know that ready to move on and start what everyone calls "the real world."

here's to another semester. the last spring semester.
thank goodness.

this is a good day

i passed geography. not only that but i passed it with a high grade of a C.
i dusted my shelves.
and i cleaned certain areas of my kitchen floor.
there a new sheets on my bed.
my fiance has an amazing voice.
i had a bagel with strawberry jam today.
and my dog is getting a bath.

this is a good day.

sincerely,
ericka

...

i feel



stressed

the stall at the crossroads

it is only 3:00. i am bored. i have done nothing today. well, i finished a book (the other boleyn girl- it's going to be movie soon). and i did some laundry. greg and i also finished watching the Bourne trilogy (identity, supremacy, and ultimatum). so now that i have completed a book, laundry, and a movie trilogy i find myself with nothing to do.

in all actuality there is plenty to do...
i can finish studying for dreaded geography
i can by school supplies for next monday when i start my final spring semester
i can start the long, loathsome process of cleaning my little apartment

but really i would much rather contemplate on if i want to take a nap or not. or maybe start the other book i bought last week, "middlesex."

i plan on devoting my evening from 5:00 to 10:00 to studying geography. i think that is enough before i get burnt out.

this break has gone by much faster than previous breaks. but maybe that is b/c i have been working this whole break and i've been in FTW and not in plano. not that plano is a horrible place to be but there is definitely some freedom lost when you go back home.

the past few days have been so off for me. they've been good days. but the weather has made it feel more like spring than winter- how january should feel. i don't mind the sun shining and the warmer weather but it makes me feel nostalgic and that's always a weird feeling for me. always.

i am moderately excited about my classes this spring. i guess i am more excited about it being the last spring semester of school for me. i am excited that i will be one more semester closer to being mrs. pherigo.
i have no idea what the future holds. i am sure that we will have much happiness and love but right now we both are at such crossroads and new beginnings, it's rocky ground but happily so.

greg has a show on thursday. at opening bell in dallas.
:)



ps. i hate starbucks more and more everyday.
but i do love the water there.

the past weeks, fast track

i haven't written in forever. i will bullet point some of the stuff that has happened- can i even remember?

- i've worked a lot
- i actually had beautiful looking gift wrap this year and pretty presents! i feel adult about that
- i am storing my xmas ornaments away this year and my tree, i've never done that before. but my mom has the rest of everything that will be mine in their storage. woah.
- christmas was good. it was peaceful.
- i had a barium swallow the next day and it was probably the best hospital procedure i've ever had. i'm not even kidding.
- i received a lot of great stuff for christmas- i am blessed.

-greg and i went to houston this past weekend to see his family.
- we made gingerbread houses
- it was extremely fun, the whole weekend

- for new years we went to jeff's house and played cranium with steve, jeff, joe, and tori. it was probably the best new years i've ever had.
- now i will buy cranium.



-school starts in about two weeks.
- need to buy books
- i need to get my car fixed- the brakes are making weirdy noises