lately i have been studying feminism in all of my classes. and studying feminism makes me feel two ways
1. less of a female
2. or not female enough
i wish i could go into more detail on this but i'm still waking up and i just thought i'd share some of my many frustrated feelings with you guys.
another frustrated feeling: i haven't been sleeping well at all.
the end.
18.3.08
13.3.08
my stomach hates me
so after being on nexium for 5 months i've realized that tomato products still give me hell.
sometimes i'm ok. sometimes.
but for the most part salsa and marinara sauce (my favourite things in the world) will cause me to double over in pain. i'll think i'm in the clear because 30 minutes after the meal i'll be laughing and talking like "finally, i ate a meal where i don't have to leave the restaurant and curl up in my bed and curse all food" but then the chills come and then the unfathomable stomach pains shoot from abdomen up to my neck and onto my back. my chest feels tight and breathing gets hard and it feels like someone punch me in the stomach, except with a laser gun...and a fist.
i've noticed that it's really only tomato based products that cause this pain. so i'm not going to complain too much about it because not eating tomato-ey food is easy. but i'm not going to stop eating it, because as i just mentioned, i love salsa and i love spaghetti. so if i get stomach pain then it's my own fault.
in other news. i am so unbearably, unnaturally tired today i'm afraid i have trypanosomiasis aka the African Sleeping Sickness. i'm never this tired, i mean... i'm always tired. but never this tired. never two cups of STRONG coffee and i'm still tired tired. never sleeping in until 9:45 after i went to bed at 11:15 tired.
and in other other news. i think my grandmother is doing a little better. i went by to see her yesterday and she is all drugged up on pain meds, etc. they think it's a bad bad bad muscle strain. so she might go home today or tomorrow. and she will get physical therapy and need someone to help her do things.
ok. i'm out because i need to either Eat or Sleep
sometimes i'm ok. sometimes.
but for the most part salsa and marinara sauce (my favourite things in the world) will cause me to double over in pain. i'll think i'm in the clear because 30 minutes after the meal i'll be laughing and talking like "finally, i ate a meal where i don't have to leave the restaurant and curl up in my bed and curse all food" but then the chills come and then the unfathomable stomach pains shoot from abdomen up to my neck and onto my back. my chest feels tight and breathing gets hard and it feels like someone punch me in the stomach, except with a laser gun...and a fist.
i've noticed that it's really only tomato based products that cause this pain. so i'm not going to complain too much about it because not eating tomato-ey food is easy. but i'm not going to stop eating it, because as i just mentioned, i love salsa and i love spaghetti. so if i get stomach pain then it's my own fault.
in other news. i am so unbearably, unnaturally tired today i'm afraid i have trypanosomiasis aka the African Sleeping Sickness. i'm never this tired, i mean... i'm always tired. but never this tired. never two cups of STRONG coffee and i'm still tired tired. never sleeping in until 9:45 after i went to bed at 11:15 tired.
and in other other news. i think my grandmother is doing a little better. i went by to see her yesterday and she is all drugged up on pain meds, etc. they think it's a bad bad bad muscle strain. so she might go home today or tomorrow. and she will get physical therapy and need someone to help her do things.
ok. i'm out because i need to either Eat or Sleep
11.3.08
grandmother
my grandmother is in the hospital.
yesterday when we found out we were taking her there i didn't feel very strong. but as the day progressed i found all of this strength i forgot that i had.
we picked her up from her house and she could barely move. she had been complaining of a stiff neck and shoulders- so much so that when the doctors would ask her to move her head to the left...no one could tell a difference. she had been unable to care for herself the past two days because of her lack of mobility. i felt so sad for her. and really all of us, we all get old. i just hope that when i get old i have a family. because there are tons of old people who do not have families- who need that care.
all of the doctors thought it might be meningitis just from her symptom description. and six hours later they did a spinal tap and found that-thankfully- it was not meningitis. they still decided to admit her and now they are figuring out what exactly to do or what exactly is causing all of her pain. anytime she moves she screams out.
i have all of these memories of my grandmother and none of them involve her being so old. i know that because she is "grandmother" she is old, and i've always realized that. but it hasn't been until recently that she has started to actually seem old. when i was younger she would take me shopping for my birthday (in fact, this is something we have done for the past eleven years) and i would tired before she would. but now, every little movement is an accomplishment for her.
i've always felt a strong connection with my grandmother. i don't really get to see her so much because i live in a different city but i always enjoy seeing her. i know that from when she was younger she was a little rebellious and i love knowing that. i also get my red hair from her. i love that too. she was the first person in my family i told about my tattoo. and it's not that i think she would've approved of it, but it as that i thought she would understand it, in fact after i told her about she said, "if i wasn't so old i might get me a little something."
i thought that was great.
and yesterday, while we were waiting, waiting, waiting in the ER room i bought her a bag of chips and she finally was able to eat. and i don't know if you are supposed to feel happiness and content in hospitals- especially when your grandmother is in pain- but eating those chips with her and just spending time with her yesterday...i felt both happiness and content.
which maybe was more of a gift than anything.
so please pray for her, especially that her pain goes away!
yesterday when we found out we were taking her there i didn't feel very strong. but as the day progressed i found all of this strength i forgot that i had.
we picked her up from her house and she could barely move. she had been complaining of a stiff neck and shoulders- so much so that when the doctors would ask her to move her head to the left...no one could tell a difference. she had been unable to care for herself the past two days because of her lack of mobility. i felt so sad for her. and really all of us, we all get old. i just hope that when i get old i have a family. because there are tons of old people who do not have families- who need that care.
all of the doctors thought it might be meningitis just from her symptom description. and six hours later they did a spinal tap and found that-thankfully- it was not meningitis. they still decided to admit her and now they are figuring out what exactly to do or what exactly is causing all of her pain. anytime she moves she screams out.
i have all of these memories of my grandmother and none of them involve her being so old. i know that because she is "grandmother" she is old, and i've always realized that. but it hasn't been until recently that she has started to actually seem old. when i was younger she would take me shopping for my birthday (in fact, this is something we have done for the past eleven years) and i would tired before she would. but now, every little movement is an accomplishment for her.
i've always felt a strong connection with my grandmother. i don't really get to see her so much because i live in a different city but i always enjoy seeing her. i know that from when she was younger she was a little rebellious and i love knowing that. i also get my red hair from her. i love that too. she was the first person in my family i told about my tattoo. and it's not that i think she would've approved of it, but it as that i thought she would understand it, in fact after i told her about she said, "if i wasn't so old i might get me a little something."
i thought that was great.
and yesterday, while we were waiting, waiting, waiting in the ER room i bought her a bag of chips and she finally was able to eat. and i don't know if you are supposed to feel happiness and content in hospitals- especially when your grandmother is in pain- but eating those chips with her and just spending time with her yesterday...i felt both happiness and content.
which maybe was more of a gift than anything.
so please pray for her, especially that her pain goes away!
7.3.08
Today I talked to a british man and a woman from South Africa. I thought the woman was British because her accent sounded very British. Everyday it seems that a British person comes into the store so I wanted to get down to the bottom of why this was happening. I mean, it just seems a little weird to me that so many different British people are in that area of town. These occurrences have lead me to two theories. Either there are just a lot of British people all over the world, or there is something particularly attractive about Fort Worth to them. Thus, I began to question the woman first until she corrected me on her heritage. She did say that South Africa was a former British colony that eventually became its own country and kicked the homeland brits out, much like what happened in the US. To which i replied, "well then we have a lot in common." Then not long after she left a true Englishman came in and his accent was slightly softer then the South Africans. I told him about my theories and he said that they were both probably true. In his words, "The British have spread all around the world like a disease." However, he also thought that Lockheed Martin had a lot to do with it as well. Anyhow, this entry is completely insignificant to anything going on in my life but I just wanted to write something uncontroversial. However, this was the most interesting thing that happened to me while I was at work
Greg
snow.
it snowed yesterday.
i watched as the snow
fluttered and fell and flurried
and then watched as it disintegrated on the hot texas pavement
and for a few moments it was suspended (gracefully) in the air
and the sky was grey
and it was quiet
and while the snow fell
i felt solace
6.3.08
i hate today
today i am mad at the world.
1. i burned my arm this morning with a mixture of HOT water and coffee grounds. it hurts. a lot.
2. my internet and cable went out. i am switching companies because Charter is the most expensive company ever, especially for the lack of quality and horrible customer service. so no more nice cable (which was free- btw) and internet. i get new internet around 8:00 tonight. so right now i'm at Panther City Coffee shop where I spent most of my freshman year.
3. my legs are sore. i blame the exercise ball i recently acquired. i love this ball, i love that it makes me want to exercise. but my legs are really sore and have been for the past three days.
4. it is cold. and it might snow. i am big a fan of snow, but not of being cold.
5. i have a feeling that my dog might be muddy when i go check on her later. not fun.
6. all other types of things.
it is only 10:00 and the day is still young and has much more time to improve. i hope it does.
on a lighter note:
i downloaded the Juno soundtrack yesterday. usually i hate movie soundtracks unless they are something like The Lord of the Rings (with all of those great strings!). Like I hate when the Garden State soundtrack got really big. and i realize that might sound really snobby of me, but oh well.
anyways, I bought the Juno soundtrack off itunes yesterday because i wanted the song "All I Want Is You" by Barry Louis Polisar. But you had to buy the whole album to get the song. So I sampled the other songs and realized I liked them and if I didn't like them I would learn to like them.
I'm so glad I made this purchase. I have already acquired some musical favourites such as:
- Piazza, New York Catcher- Belle and Sebastian
- Sea of Love- Cat Power (it's a remastered version and it made me go back and listen to the Cat Power cd I own, so yay- such good music!)
- Dearest- Buddy Holly
- I'm Sticking With You- the Velvet Underground
- Superstar- Sonic Youth
- All I Want Is You- Barry Louis Polisar
I've spent a lot of money at the itunes store lately. I guess that's a good thing. I've been on a music hiatus for soooooo long now.
Ok. I have a paper due in 5 hours. Boo.
(PS. Olivedog is doing great now!)
4.3.08
home
well.
we are moving. my parents are moving from our house in plano to the new house in dallas. we have to be out of the house by march 28.
i feel a little crushed.
ok more than a little crushed. i feel very sad. plano house was my home for 15 years. and now, i feel like a nomad. i knew that this day would come and i am even excited about the new dallas house, but leaving my home....
it really is my home.
we are moving. my parents are moving from our house in plano to the new house in dallas. we have to be out of the house by march 28.
i feel a little crushed.
ok more than a little crushed. i feel very sad. plano house was my home for 15 years. and now, i feel like a nomad. i knew that this day would come and i am even excited about the new dallas house, but leaving my home....
it really is my home.
3.3.08
knick knack paddy wack DO NOT give a dog a bone
contrary to belief, dogs should not have bones. i'm not kidding here.
yesterday greg and i decided that we would give darling Olive a nice rib bone that we salvaged from our yummy barbeque dinner at the Salt Lick in Austin, Texas. we brought this bone all the way back from Austin to Fort Worth and we are incredibly excited that Olive would have such a treat. I had to work yesterday so I told Greg to call me when Olive at the bone because I was so excited about it.
well she gobbled down the bone and everything seemed fine. later that evening Olive used the restroom inside of the house- which never happens. i know that some people's dogs aren't house trained, but Olive definitely is. So that was warning sign number one.
she was also acting anxious and nervous the whole night. i thought it might just be because of the storm.
the next morning she threw up and experienced other stomach problems. Greg and I started to worry because Olive has always had such a tough stomach (I mean, she's had her fair share of hard plastic and has even swallowed some razor blades). So we decided to take her to the vet and see what they had to say.
two hours, some xrays, and some blood tests later- we found out that thankfully Olive has passed or is passing the bone and that she does not have pancreatitis (which is where you pancreas can not process fat if there is too much fat to process). But from that one bone we ran the risk of:
1. it lodging in her stomach or intestines and blocking vital organs
2. it splintering inside of her and puncturing organs
3. pancreatitis, which would mean she would have to be hosptialized
instead we found out that Olive's stomach was incredibly upset from the bone and that it had probably scraped against her intestines and stomach some. but other than that- she is ok. she's on some medications and has to go on a bland diet for a couple of days.
all of this because of a bone.
and we were lucky.
moral of the story is:
so don't give your dogs bones.
yesterday greg and i decided that we would give darling Olive a nice rib bone that we salvaged from our yummy barbeque dinner at the Salt Lick in Austin, Texas. we brought this bone all the way back from Austin to Fort Worth and we are incredibly excited that Olive would have such a treat. I had to work yesterday so I told Greg to call me when Olive at the bone because I was so excited about it.
well she gobbled down the bone and everything seemed fine. later that evening Olive used the restroom inside of the house- which never happens. i know that some people's dogs aren't house trained, but Olive definitely is. So that was warning sign number one.
she was also acting anxious and nervous the whole night. i thought it might just be because of the storm.
the next morning she threw up and experienced other stomach problems. Greg and I started to worry because Olive has always had such a tough stomach (I mean, she's had her fair share of hard plastic and has even swallowed some razor blades). So we decided to take her to the vet and see what they had to say.
two hours, some xrays, and some blood tests later- we found out that thankfully Olive has passed or is passing the bone and that she does not have pancreatitis (which is where you pancreas can not process fat if there is too much fat to process). But from that one bone we ran the risk of:
1. it lodging in her stomach or intestines and blocking vital organs
2. it splintering inside of her and puncturing organs
3. pancreatitis, which would mean she would have to be hosptialized
instead we found out that Olive's stomach was incredibly upset from the bone and that it had probably scraped against her intestines and stomach some. but other than that- she is ok. she's on some medications and has to go on a bland diet for a couple of days.
all of this because of a bone.
and we were lucky.
moral of the story is:
so don't give your dogs bones.
27.2.08
impulse
i haven't really written anything of importance in awhile.
i guess even now i don't have too much to say.
i wrote a paper about secularization and globalization and pluralism. i found it interesting.
i also realized i am not good at grocery shopping. even though I LOVE TO GROCERY SHOP, i am an impulse buyer.
example: today i was went to albertsons to pick up some essentials, mainly milk. well as soon as i neared the store the smell of freshly baked cookies completely overwhelmed me. it doesn't help that:
A. I love cookies.
B. I was hungry.
So what do I do when I first walk into albertsons? I put some cookies in my shopping cart.
this can not be a good thing.
on another note.
i bought my first (legal) alcoholic drink the other day. i met my friend tony in plano for some shopping and general catching up. i realized that during the weekend of me turning 21, i needed to buy a drink. it was pretty much a requirement. so i bought a beer. i had one sip. and then gave the rest of the drink to tony.
i am not very good at this 21 thing.
i guess even now i don't have too much to say.
i wrote a paper about secularization and globalization and pluralism. i found it interesting.
i also realized i am not good at grocery shopping. even though I LOVE TO GROCERY SHOP, i am an impulse buyer.
example: today i was went to albertsons to pick up some essentials, mainly milk. well as soon as i neared the store the smell of freshly baked cookies completely overwhelmed me. it doesn't help that:
A. I love cookies.
B. I was hungry.
So what do I do when I first walk into albertsons? I put some cookies in my shopping cart.
this can not be a good thing.
on another note.
i bought my first (legal) alcoholic drink the other day. i met my friend tony in plano for some shopping and general catching up. i realized that during the weekend of me turning 21, i needed to buy a drink. it was pretty much a requirement. so i bought a beer. i had one sip. and then gave the rest of the drink to tony.
i am not very good at this 21 thing.
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