plant, water, and reap

I was thinking this morning about the first time that greg told me he loved me.

See, when entered this year I had just gotten out of a relationship that was fairly serious for the short amount of time we were together. I was crushed that it had ended and tried to hold on to whatever was left of it. But it was no use, we were too different in many areas and I wasn’t really myself in any of them. I was trying to be this ideal girl to my ex and in the end I lost a lot of my identity. I don’t blame anyone other than myself and my nature to please others and to have idealness. So when I finally came to terms that things were over I decided that being single for awhile would do me some good (I regret to say that I am rarely single for long periods of time and I am now a firm believer that it is probably a good thing to be single for awhile, etc etc etc.).
I didn’t swear off dating but I didn’t go around looking for it either. I decided that my next kisses would mean something that I would only seriously date if it was something I would strongly pursue as a possible marriage relationship. I focused a lot on school and made some friends outside of school. This is where Greg comes into the picture. He was one of those friends. Of course, as anyone might’ve read a couple entries before this, I initially liked Greg. How could anyone not? I remember the day I found out he had a girlfriend and how I felt this sinking feeling inside of me. But I think it was really for the best. It took me a while to be REALLY SURE about Greg, so probably dating him from the get-go would’ve been somewhat of a disaster.
Instead we were able to become friends. In fact Greg gave me flirting advice (which was totally lame) and almost set me up with one of his friends. I liked a couple of people, maybe three, that whole semester. None of them were people I could really see myself with in the long run. They were just crushes: simply crushes. The longer I was single the more I enjoyed it and the more I was able to just be myself and I love that Greg has gotten to know me as me and not as somebody’s girlfriend. Not as somebody who loves the same things her boyfriend loves. I do think it is important to have mutual interests and to try to enjoy the same things as your significant other, but not to the point that you no longer enjoy things Yourself, just things of Him/Her (which I have been guilty of in the past).
I learned that I loved crossword puzzles and cooking. I’ve always loved grocery shopping. I love spicy food and cinnamon. In one of my previous relationships my ex really liked lemony desserts and vanially-creamy things, fruity things. But I like cinnanomy things and chocolately things and I would always compromise for the lemony-creamy- fruity thing. I love cleaning and being clean and smelling like a girl. I dated a guy who didn’t like the way perfume smelled, so I didn’t wear perfume. Small things I think are ok to sacrifice and these are just examples of the past. I learned that I was sometimes unsure about my faith and that it was ok to sometimes be unsure. You don’t always have to be sure. You’re allowed to question. I learned that I like shoes and writing.
Greg got to know all of this. We got to talk about all kinds of things purely as friends, I never had to impress him or feel like I had to. It was and is still great. Greg has never judged me and he always supports me, he even sings back up on the songs I make up daily when we drive from one place to another.

I never thought we’d actually be together.
However, in October things did change and slowly our friendship started to shift. Something we never intended. Something we had tried to repress. Greg was in a relationship with someone great, they had been dating for so long and he was twenty-eight. I was nineteen, unsure, with many suitors, and a whole future of whatever I wanted ahead of me. But things fell into place for us and still I took my time with Greg. My original, long term plan for us went something like this:
Date awhile, a month or two
Become exclusive
Meet my parents in the summer

That was about as far as my plans went. I knew that if I were to date Greg seriously it would go farther than the summer and it would be with the intention of getting married. But these were things that would come slowly, I was sure. We were in no hurry. I still had two years of school left.

But, January 18 that all changed. We had been together for a month then. It was snowing that day. The second day of my spring semester. School was cancelled. Greg came over to pick me up and as I was walking outside he said, “it’s strange. The snow on my car fell in the most unusual pattern.”

I was delighted. We went back to his apartment and lay on his bed talking and laughing and enjoying one another’s company as we made plans for our snow day. I remember us saying something and falling back in laughter and suddenly he said, “I love you.” I felt so shocked and surprised. It wasn’t too soon, it was perfect. My slow and steady plan was falling before my eyes and I could’ve cared less for loving Greg suddenly was the only important part of the plan. I asked him to repeat himself and I remember soaking up that moment, each heartbeat, each pause. Everything was still and unsteady. It was a giddy calm. My reply was sincere and it was of course that I loved him too. I did. Greg then said something along the lines of how we must guard of love and create deep roots within it. That is what we have been trying to do ever since.
Creating deep roots.

a blink

Couple of things of recent.

1. I now have a place to live. Little small efficiency. Hooray. We put the deposit down yesterday and I will move in starting May. I am very excited; the only downer would be that I don’t think I can have a cat. I don’t know if there is enough room for a cat and I’m pretty sure the landlady doesn’t want one. Oh well.

2. I figured out a schedule to graduate December 2008. Hopefully this will work.

3. I forgot to mention. The very first entry I mentioned that I didn’t like Greg’s favourite song “Rapture” by Pedro the Lion. Well, around November or something, we saw a movie together and after the movie I asked him to let me borrow some cds. One of them was Control (which has the song Rapture), I ended up liking it so much that it’s been on repeat for awhile. So now, it’s one of my top 20 favourite songs…kinda.

4. We recently discovered that people actually read this. How strange. Of course starting a blog I suppose there was the intention that people would read it. But I guess we never figured that anyone would really read it. It feels a bit strange now, knowing that eyes other than our own have read this. Of course it is not the details of our innermost thoughts or even our semi-intimate conversations. It is just ramblings, lists, activities, some thoughts, some hopes, some fears. It is just a glimpse, a blink rather, into our life.

Clean.

Lately I have been obsessed with all things Clean. Clean bathrooms, clean cars, clean sheets, clean towels, the smell of clean, clean laundry, clean me, clean windows, vents, etc.

I think Monday night Greg and I sporadically cleaned his room and bathroom and the kitchen. I fear I am my mother, disinfecting everything in sight. Yet, it is reassuring watching Clorox sit in weak bubbles on the counter tops: attacking germs and bacteria. Wiping away dirt to a shiny finish. Clean bathrooms are BIG to me. I hate the way a dirty bathroom feels. I hate seeing all that grim collected in certain spots contaminating my presence. Or bookshelves covered in dust, dust that you are breathing in.
When I lived in a dorm, weekly I would clean our sink and Lysol the air conditioner vent. Whoever invented Lysol is amazing.
Greg spent about 45 minutes scrubbing his shower with a little toothbrush and Lyme Away. It was way gross. Now, I think he has the cleanest shower in the complex.
I cleaned my room at my aunt’s the other day. Collecting dust on paper towels and washing my sheets. Today I washed the towels.
Also today, I cleaned the cars. I was driving home from school and I realized how gross my car was. Greg’s allergies have been attacking horribly lately and I thought that clean cars (no dust or dirt) might help us a bit. So I bought air freshener and cleaning wipes and spent a couple of hours cleaning our horribly dirty cars. Greg’s was AWFUL. Tomorrow morning we are vacuuming them and getting our cars washed. Right now they are tinted yellow from all of the gross pollen in the air.
Speaking of gross pollen, I have no allergies. But lately, I feel like I do. I think that there is THAT much pollen in the air. I can only imagine how Greg feels. Well, he has a Kleenex box constantly attached to his wrist.

I have also been looking for housing lately. I found a really cute and really small efficiency. Really small. But it has a kitchen (tiny kitchen), a bathroom, and a nice closet. It also has these awesome rafters hanging in the ceiling. It’s in a really neighborhood, close to school, and right behind a church. A big Presbyterian church. Supposedly, at night you can see the stained glass windows shine from the efficiency. I hope it works out.

Greg plays a show at Central Market on April 12. Come out!

How Impressive

Ericka and I had a good time In Austin/Houston. In my head, Austin is supposed to be an awesome city with limitless possabilities. I'm sure it is if you grow up there or live there for a long time. I've been to Austin many times and everytime I go I fall a little less in love with it. Let me explain. Everywhere you go in Austin, there are people who look like they just came from urban outfitters. I'm sure that %50 of them really got there hip clothes from a thrift store or one of the other million vintage stores around the town. Regardless of where they got them, I couldn't help but feel overwhlemed by the droves of hip and cool people. Ironically, I wanted to dress like a frat boy just to be different. Also, there are indie stores, bars, coffee shops, and restaurants everywhere. By the end of the three days in Austin I was longing for some evil corporate retail stores. Oh yeah, SXSW traffic was hell. The one detail that made everything great was being with Ericka. She has a way of seeing the positive side in everything. She made me feel alot better about being stuck in traffic. Anyhow, my family really took to Ericka right off the bat. Especially my nephew Elliot, I have never seen him talk to an adult as much as he did with Ericka. The rest of my extended family, which were at Cody's wedding were quite impressed with Ericka as well. I think the highlight of the whole trip was at the wedding when Ericka and I got called out to the dance floor by my mom. We all then proceeded to dance and play air guitar to "You shook me all night long" by AC/DC. I know it sounds terribly cheesy, but it was fun at the same time. I was hoping to see Ericka's signature dance move and my dreams came true. Ericka made a big first impression on everyone. Lately, she has been inspiring me. She has been looking for a new place to live for the coming year and looking into graduating early. I have been there to help with this but really she has been handling it all herself. I've mainly just been a chauffeur. Its my pleasure though. I just enjoy being with her. Hopefully we will be having barbecue tonight and watching a movie.

Spring Break Trip

Greg and I got back from Austin/Houston on Sunday.
Here is how our trip went plus recent events.

Wednesday we left for Austin. I spent the morning packing for us. I put all toiletries in clear Ziploc bags. It keeps things from spilling and you can see what’s in the bag! After a couple of errands we were on the road.
We stopped at Czech Stop for pasteries. A little further down we went to a place called Style Station. Greg bought 2 shirts and I got one.
We didn’t drive too long, but we were in awful Austin traffic. I blame SXSW.
Greg’s mom and step-dad Jimmy live in this great house in kind of the country. Well, it is the country. It’s peaceful and great and pretty. They were very considerate to my vegetarianism (I feel bad every time we go some place new and I’m the only vegetarian and people have to cook vegetarian something- but I just can’t force myself to eat meat).
I got to meet his mom Judy, his step-dad, his sister Jemme, her husband Adam, and Greg’s nephew Elliot. They were all great.

The next day we went to the mall. Greg and Elliot got their hair cut. We also ran into a friend from Fort Worth, actually Starbucks, Diane. That was ironic. Greg ended up getting a nice outfit for the wedding we were attending. We also went to Whole Foods!!! I bought some gourmet honey, Greg bought beer. I was extremely excited by the Austin Whole Foods. It was full of wonderful fruits and rices and spices and teas. The way they had everything displayed was fantastic. We went to a way crowed music place, Waterloo records. SXSW.
That night we ate at the Salt Lick. A barbeque restaurant. I think Greg might’ve mentioned before that I love barbeque. It is true. Very true. We got home in time for Grey’s Anatomy. A good episode too.

On Friday Greg and I took our time getting ready and we drove around Austin. The traffic was horrible. SXSW…again. Greg bought some new shoes (more clothes than me now). We decided to eat the Hula Hut. That was good food, a lot of food. I think I ate more than Greg. We ended up on Guadalupe street and I got a jacket and bought Greg an Edgar Allen Poe bobble head from Toy Joy. We returned to his parent’s house and took an hour nap- which was bliss.

My friend Chris lives in Austin, so we meet him that night at Kerbey Lane. The omelettes we got were mediocre, but the company was good.

The next day Greg and I left for Houston. That wasn’t too long of a drive, thank goodness. We got to stay at his cousin Kris and his wife Lindsay’s house. It was huge and beautiful.

The wedding we went to was his other cousin’s wedding. Cody marrying Addy. It was a gorgeous wedding with a great view. Outdoors with a lake view, perfect weather. At the wedding I got to meet many more of Greg’s family. Many more. I even danced a bit. It was a lot of fun. I never felt awkward or bored or anything. I think Greg enjoyed it too. Well he did.
We conversed a bit with Kris and Lindsay that night. The next morning we had cinnamon rolls and eggs.

Greg and I drove the long long six hour drive to Fort Worth the next day.
That night we ate Pei Wei and watched Curb Your Enthusiasm.

More of the Same, but Newer!

My turn!
Once again, at Starbucks. I love having internet at Starbucks. Greg is working. We leave for Austin tomorrow.

First of all, I have never really celebrated Spring Break. Never have I been to Cabo, Cozumel, Galveston, Corpus Christi, Miami, or Camping for Spring Break. But this year Greg and I will experience our first trip together and my first actual Spring Break vacation. Austin, Texas here we come!!!

I wonder why people are so obsessed with television shows. I think it is b/c they do not like their lives enough. Well, they might, but on a t.v. show the character’s life is much more interesting, etc. So the viewer can get caught up in the show and not have to deal with the drama that comes with all the action.

Greg shaved his beard. He just wrote a blog that said he looked weird without it. Ok, Greg is a very handsome man and he looks great either way. I prefer the beard. I know Greg with a beard and loveded Greg with a beard and still love Greg, beard or no beard. Its growing in, all stubbly and 5:00 shadow-ey. I am lucky to have such a handsome-y Greg.

I left YESTERDAY to visit my grandmother, etc. I missed Greg within 5 seconds of leaving.
I had not planned on missing Greg. At all. I mean, it was going to be a little over a 24 period. But, I missed him.
Being with my family was fun though. My grandmother and I went birthday shopping. I got a new dress.
We also ate a lot of food. Etc.
Then, the next morning I had breakfast with my aunt and cousin. I decided today that my aunt is one of my role models.
Then, I went to go see my mom. My step-sister is moving to Florida, my parents are planning on moving soon, and my grandmother is trying to move also. So, I am getting a lot of stuff for my future apartment that I don’t have. Today, I went through the stuff my step-sister was giving me, all very nice.
Mom and I also went to Half-Price Books and to eat at Chiptole. It as a lot of fun.

Then I drove back to be with Gregory.
And I bought shoes!

I am excited about meeting his family. Yes. A little nervous….
But more excited. And about being in Austin!

Random and Cheesy

I must warn you, if there is anyone else besides Ericka and I that read this, that this post is going to be extremely gooshy and cheesy. Even you Ericka, be warned. This morning, Ericka left for Dallas to spend time with her grandmother and I missed her after about 5 seconds. Tomorrow, she is spending time with her mom and this means that I wont see her for over a 24 hour period. This is ridiculous but I miss her severely. I miss her smile and her laugh and the way she puts her feet on the dashboard when we drive in the car. I miss her very unique dancing style and the funny songs she makes up on a whim. Anyhow, some of you may think I am just infatuated but I am not. The infatuation is over. We have had some big obstacles in front of us that we have overcome and now the roots are beginning to dig down. Were getting ready to travel on our first major road trip and I'm sure that will put us to the test. I love road trips but being in a car with someone for long periods of time can create un-natural social situations. It will be interesting to see how we deal with one another. Most likely, I will play the air drums way too long and way too seriously and Ericka will jump from the car, do a barrel roll and then shoot out the back tire with a pistol. Or, I will fall asleep listening to mixed cd's filled with songs from musicals. Either way, we're going to make it down to Austin eventually and eat the best barbecue in Texas at a place called "The Salt Lick." Thats right, Ericka is a vegetarian who happens to love barbecue sauce and all the sides you can get at such establishments. I love that she is a vegetarian and I am a meat eater and we get along just fine. We are also heading to Houston to attend my cousins wedding. There will be dancing at this wedding, just like there is dancing at all of my families weddings. I will pretend to want to sit on the sidelines for a while, but eventually the music will overwhelm me and I will give in and I'm pretty sure Ericka is going to get her first taste of major embarrasment because of me. I am hoping that this will bring out her unique dancing style as mentioned before. This will be the first time Ericka will meet my family and she really has nothing to worry about because everyone likes her. The family will probably like her more than they like me.

On a random note, I recently shaved my beard and it turns out that I look pretty wierd without it. I had all kinds of people at work assume that I did it at the request of Ericka. However, this is not true. They kept trying to give me a hard time saying, "oh yeah, and now it begins, you shave once and she will never let you grow a beard again." The truth, she can't wait for it to come back. Also along this topic, I have had several older men give me warnings like"now you get to go out and look at curtains and fancy soap and pillows. Stay away from Linens and Things as well as Bed Bath and Beyond. Never ever get trapped into going to the mall." Its funny, they couldn't be more wrong, I actually enjoy doing those things with Ericka. We genuinly just like being together and experiencing life together. We're getting ready to start riding bikes and we might go canoeing in Austin. These are things that I like doing and to have the person you Love with you is something I will never take for granted.

basics

I guess I’ll do an update for us again. I do not think anyone besides greg or I have read this.

Anyways. I have not done any homework tonight. But it’s a weird homework limbo. b/c I have a big paper due Friday (it’s Sunday) and a test Wednesday. And it’s now getting too late to study.
Oh well.

Here I am at starbucks. Greg is working. This is how most of these are written.
I think starbucks closes in two minutes.

We had dinner with my parents on Friday. At PF Changs. It was good. I was full really fast and my mom brought a cake. So after the cake, I was miserable. But greg at a lot of chicken and my mom kept exclaiming “oh wow greg, you are so good with those chopsticks.” I found that to be pretty funny. Besides good Chinese food, we had pear mojitos. Which were nice for the spring season that’s approaching. I think…

Greg also spent the night at my parent’s house. We made eggs in the morning and then went shopping at the outlet mall in allen. Well, I shopped and he accompanied. It wasn’t as painful as it might sound.

We had a late lunch at la Madeline and we drove around looking at pet stores for puppies and kittens that we can’t have yet.

After my job we saw the movie Zodiac. It was good, suspenseful. Nice. Scary.

We made oatmeal pancakes Sunday and watched double episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. And then we went to the SPCA and looked at more puppies and kittens. There were at least 4 dogs I wanted. I couldn’t walk around in the outdoor cages where the bigger/older dogs were. It was too sad. Too disheartening.

I think we watched another episode of Greys before he had to go to work.
Pei Wei for dinner.

Woah, what a life.

I should really write about more interesting things. Like feelings and emotions.
I guess there are still some kinks to work out.
Not for us.
But for others.
And I don’t know how I feel about exploiting personal things?

I could say that greg is applying to be a teacher.
And that I think he would do great at it.
I think it would be great for us.
But I would still love him if he remained at the jobs he does now.
I love him more with each day.

I could say that never have I been a beach person.
But I want to go to mexico quite badly with him.
And lay out on the beach.

I always try (except once or something) to give greg the best servings of the meals we make.

And we laugh. A lot.

We also like Ting. He likes it more probably. I have yet to have a whole bottle.