grandmother

my grandmother is in the hospital.

yesterday when we found out we were taking her there i didn't feel very strong. but as the day progressed i found all of this strength i forgot that i had.

we picked her up from her house and she could barely move. she had been complaining of a stiff neck and shoulders- so much so that when the doctors would ask her to move her head to the left...no one could tell a difference. she had been unable to care for herself the past two days because of her lack of mobility. i felt so sad for her. and really all of us, we all get old. i just hope that when i get old i have a family. because there are tons of old people who do not have families- who need that care.

all of the doctors thought it might be meningitis just from her symptom description. and six hours later they did a spinal tap and found that-thankfully- it was not meningitis. they still decided to admit her and now they are figuring out what exactly to do or what exactly is causing all of her pain. anytime she moves she screams out.

i have all of these memories of my grandmother and none of them involve her being so old. i know that because she is "grandmother" she is old, and i've always realized that. but it hasn't been until recently that she has started to actually seem old. when i was younger she would take me shopping for my birthday (in fact, this is something we have done for the past eleven years) and i would tired before she would. but now, every little movement is an accomplishment for her.

i've always felt a strong connection with my grandmother. i don't really get to see her so much because i live in a different city but i always enjoy seeing her. i know that from when she was younger she was a little rebellious and i love knowing that. i also get my red hair from her. i love that too. she was the first person in my family i told about my tattoo. and it's not that i think she would've approved of it, but it as that i thought she would understand it, in fact after i told her about she said, "if i wasn't so old i might get me a little something."
i thought that was great.

and yesterday, while we were waiting, waiting, waiting in the ER room i bought her a bag of chips and she finally was able to eat. and i don't know if you are supposed to feel happiness and content in hospitals- especially when your grandmother is in pain- but eating those chips with her and just spending time with her yesterday...i felt both happiness and content.
which maybe was more of a gift than anything.

so please pray for her, especially that her pain goes away!