ericka & greg

frustrated and feministic

2008-03-18T07:57:00.004-06:00

lately i have been studying feminism in all of my classes. and studying feminism makes me feel two ways
1. less of a female
2. or not female enough

i wish i could go into more detail on this but i'm still waking up and i just thought i'd share some of my many frustrated feelings with you guys.

another frustrated feeling: i haven't been sleeping well at all.

the end.

my stomach hates me

2008-03-13T11:31:00.002-06:00

so after being on nexium for 5 months i've realized that tomato products still give me hell.
sometimes i'm ok. sometimes.
but for the most part salsa and marinara sauce (my favourite things in the world) will cause me to double over in pain. i'll think i'm in the clear because 30 minutes after the meal i'll be laughing and talking like "finally, i ate a meal where i don't have to leave the restaurant and curl up in my bed and curse all food" but then the chills come and then the unfathomable stomach pains shoot from abdomen up to my neck and onto my back. my chest feels tight and breathing gets hard and it feels like someone punch me in the stomach, except with a laser gun...and a fist.
i've noticed that it's really only tomato based products that cause this pain. so i'm not going to complain too much about it because not eating tomato-ey food is easy. but i'm not going to stop eating it, because as i just mentioned, i love salsa and i love spaghetti. so if i get stomach pain then it's my own fault.

in other news. i am so unbearably, unnaturally tired today i'm afraid i have trypanosomiasis aka the African Sleeping Sickness. i'm never this tired, i mean... i'm always tired. but never this tired. never two cups of STRONG coffee and i'm still tired tired. never sleeping in until 9:45 after i went to bed at 11:15 tired.

and in other other news. i think my grandmother is doing a little better. i went by to see her yesterday and she is all drugged up on pain meds, etc. they think it's a bad bad bad muscle strain. so she might go home today or tomorrow. and she will get physical therapy and need someone to help her do things.

ok. i'm out because i need to either Eat or Sleep

grandmother

2008-03-11T08:09:00.001-06:00

my grandmother is in the hospital.

yesterday when we found out we were taking her there i didn't feel very strong. but as the day progressed i found all of this strength i forgot that i had.

we picked her up from her house and she could barely move. she had been complaining of a stiff neck and shoulders- so much so that when the doctors would ask her to move her head to the left...no one could tell a difference. she had been unable to care for herself the past two days because of her lack of mobility. i felt so sad for her. and really all of us, we all get old. i just hope that when i get old i have a family. because there are tons of old people who do not have families- who need that care.

all of the doctors thought it might be meningitis just from her symptom description. and six hours later they did a spinal tap and found that-thankfully- it was not meningitis. they still decided to admit her and now they are figuring out what exactly to do or what exactly is causing all of her pain. anytime she moves she screams out.

i have all of these memories of my grandmother and none of them involve her being so old. i know that because she is "grandmother" she is old, and i've always realized that. but it hasn't been until recently that she has started to actually seem old. when i was younger she would take me shopping for my birthday (in fact, this is something we have done for the past eleven years) and i would tired before she would. but now, every little movement is an accomplishment for her.

i've always felt a strong connection with my grandmother. i don't really get to see her so much because i live in a different city but i always enjoy seeing her. i know that from when she was younger she was a little rebellious and i love knowing that. i also get my red hair from her. i love that too. she was the first person in my family i told about my tattoo. and it's not that i think she would've approved of it, but it as that i thought she would understand it, in fact after i told her about she said, "if i wasn't so old i might get me a little something."
i thought that was great.

and yesterday, while we were waiting, waiting, waiting in the ER room i bought her a bag of chips and she finally was able to eat. and i don't know if you are supposed to feel happiness and content in hospitals- especially when your grandmother is in pain- but eating those chips with her and just spending time with her yesterday...i felt both happiness and content.
which maybe was more of a gift than anything.

so please pray for her, especially that her pain goes away!

2008-03-07T22:42:00.002-06:00

Today I talked to a british man and a woman from South Africa. I thought the woman was British because her accent sounded very British. Everyday it seems that a British person comes into the store so I wanted to get down to the bottom of why this was happening. I mean, it just seems a little weird to me that so many different British people are in that area of town. These occurrences have lead me to two theories. Either there are just a lot of British people all over the world, or there is something particularly attractive about Fort Worth to them. Thus, I began to question the woman first until she corrected me on her heritage. She did say that South Africa was a former British colony that eventually became its own country and kicked the homeland brits out, much like what happened in the US. To which i replied, "well then we have a lot in common." Then not long after she left a true Englishman came in and his accent was slightly softer then the South Africans. I told him about my theories and he said that they were both probably true. In his words, "The British have spread all around the world like a disease." However, he also thought that Lockheed Martin had a lot to do with it as well. Anyhow, this entry is completely insignificant to anything going on in my life but I just wanted to write something uncontroversial. However, this was the most interesting thing that happened to me while I was at work

Greg

snow.

2008-03-07T10:38:00.004-06:00

it snowed yesterday.

i watched as the snow

fluttered and fell and flurried

and then watched as it disintegrated on the hot texas pavement

and for a few moments it was suspended (gracefully) in the air

and the sky was grey

and it was quiet

and while the snow fell

i felt solace

i hate today

2008-03-06T07:21:00.005-06:00

today i am mad at the world.

1. i burned my arm this morning with a mixture of HOT water and coffee grounds. it hurts. a lot.

2. my internet and cable went out. i am switching companies because Charter is the most expensive company ever, especially for the lack of quality and horrible customer service. so no more nice cable (which was free- btw) and internet. i get new internet around 8:00 tonight. so right now i'm at Panther City Coffee shop where I spent most of my freshman year.

3. my legs are sore. i blame the exercise ball i recently acquired. i love this ball, i love that it makes me want to exercise. but my legs are really sore and have been for the past three days.

4. it is cold. and it might snow. i am big a fan of snow, but not of being cold.

5. i have a feeling that my dog might be muddy when i go check on her later. not fun.

6. all other types of things.

it is only 10:00 and the day is still young and has much more time to improve. i hope it does.

on a lighter note:

i downloaded the Juno soundtrack yesterday. usually i hate movie soundtracks unless they are something like The Lord of the Rings (with all of those great strings!). Like I hate when the Garden State soundtrack got really big. and i realize that might sound really snobby of me, but oh well.
anyways, I bought the Juno soundtrack off itunes yesterday because i wanted the song "All I Want Is You" by Barry Louis Polisar. But you had to buy the whole album to get the song. So I sampled the other songs and realized I liked them and if I didn't like them I would learn to like them.
I'm so glad I made this purchase. I have already acquired some musical favourites such as:

Piazza, New York Catcher- Belle and Sebastian
Sea of Love- Cat Power (it's a remastered version and it made me go back and listen to the Cat Power cd I own, so yay- such good music!)
Dearest- Buddy Holly
I'm Sticking With You- the Velvet Underground
Superstar- Sonic Youth
All I Want Is You- Barry Louis Polisar

I've spent a lot of money at the itunes store lately. I guess that's a good thing. I've been on a music hiatus for soooooo long now.

Ok. I have a paper due in 5 hours. Boo.

(PS. Olivedog is doing great now!)

home

2008-03-04T09:03:00.002-06:00

well.

we are moving. my parents are moving from our house in plano to the new house in dallas. we have to be out of the house by march 28.
i feel a little crushed.
ok more than a little crushed. i feel very sad. plano house was my home for 15 years. and now, i feel like a nomad. i knew that this day would come and i am even excited about the new dallas house, but leaving my home....
it really is my home.

knick knack paddy wack DO NOT give a dog a bone

2008-03-03T12:22:00.002-06:00

contrary to belief, dogs should not have bones. i'm not kidding here.

yesterday greg and i decided that we would give darling Olive a nice rib bone that we salvaged from our yummy barbeque dinner at the Salt Lick in Austin, Texas. we brought this bone all the way back from Austin to Fort Worth and we are incredibly excited that Olive would have such a treat. I had to work yesterday so I told Greg to call me when Olive at the bone because I was so excited about it.

well she gobbled down the bone and everything seemed fine. later that evening Olive used the restroom inside of the house- which never happens. i know that some people's dogs aren't house trained, but Olive definitely is. So that was warning sign number one.
she was also acting anxious and nervous the whole night. i thought it might just be because of the storm.
the next morning she threw up and experienced other stomach problems. Greg and I started to worry because Olive has always had such a tough stomach (I mean, she's had her fair share of hard plastic and has even swallowed some razor blades). So we decided to take her to the vet and see what they had to say.

two hours, some xrays, and some blood tests later- we found out that thankfully Olive has passed or is passing the bone and that she does not have pancreatitis (which is where you pancreas can not process fat if there is too much fat to process). But from that one bone we ran the risk of:
1. it lodging in her stomach or intestines and blocking vital organs
2. it splintering inside of her and puncturing organs
3. pancreatitis, which would mean she would have to be hosptialized

instead we found out that Olive's stomach was incredibly upset from the bone and that it had probably scraped against her intestines and stomach some. but other than that- she is ok. she's on some medications and has to go on a bland diet for a couple of days.
all of this because of a bone.
and we were lucky.

moral of the story is:
so don't give your dogs bones.

impulse

2008-02-27T18:19:00.002-06:00

i haven't really written anything of importance in awhile.
i guess even now i don't have too much to say.

i wrote a paper about secularization and globalization and pluralism. i found it interesting.

i also realized i am not good at grocery shopping. even though I LOVE TO GROCERY SHOP, i am an impulse buyer.
example: today i was went to albertsons to pick up some essentials, mainly milk. well as soon as i neared the store the smell of freshly baked cookies completely overwhelmed me. it doesn't help that:
A. I love cookies.
B. I was hungry.
So what do I do when I first walk into albertsons? I put some cookies in my shopping cart.

this can not be a good thing.

on another note.
i bought my first (legal) alcoholic drink the other day. i met my friend tony in plano for some shopping and general catching up. i realized that during the weekend of me turning 21, i needed to buy a drink. it was pretty much a requirement. so i bought a beer. i had one sip. and then gave the rest of the drink to tony.

i am not very good at this 21 thing.

i am my mother's history and my father's laugh.

2008-02-24T08:40:00.000-06:00

i am

2008-02-23T00:00:00.001-06:00

now 21

this is nuts!

2008-02-20T11:46:00.002-06:00

i have baby squirrels. the momma squirrel built a nest between my windows back in december. right on top of the AC unit. it is a perfect place for a nest. and i thought the momma was a boy, named Nutty. but i guess it's Nuttia. Anyways, I was looking at the nest today b/c it's fascinating and I saw the babies. I think there are three...two or three. I am so excited. Their names are Hazel, Coco, and if there is a third: Soya.

look! little baby squirrel.

life is amazing

another essay.

2008-02-18T07:33:00.008-06:00

so i wrote another essay for my class "The Essay." I'm not really sure if I want to post here b/c it might be a little cynical or kinda depressing. But I think I will. So on that note let me just say that if you do read it doesn't mean this is how I always feel about religion, it's about one experience where I expected a lot and didn't receive what I expected. And from that experience I learned that religion is more that expectations, it's actually doing and being active. Summer camp was great in the aspect that I was able to spend a week with other believers and in all honesty, I learned a lot about my faith. I'm still a Christian. I hope I'm not cynical.

O Come Thou (Chlorine) Fount

“I’m an atheist,” I proudly declared to my crush as we were driving home from a movie. He looked at me with disappointment and then asked if I wanted to go to church with him this weekend. I had such a crush. So I said ok.

A lot of people think it was because of him that I decided to become a Christian. A lot of people were upset with my decision, most of my friends were self-prescribed atheists and I had betrayed them in the worst way. But truthfully, it wasn’t because of my crush. For the longest time I had felt a void inside of me. It felt like this whirling black pool and I wasn’t exactly sure how to fill it. I tried a lot of things that were toxic and all of them failed only landing a temporary fill. When I went to church I felt a peace and a desire I had never felt before. I decided to let all of my prejudices about religion fade from my ears and I listened to what the Pastor had to say as he talked about the life of Jesus. One week later I become a Christian.

Becoming a Christian wasn’t hard for me- it felt entirely natural. I just wasn’t sure what type of Christian I was going to be. For a long time I had been a part of the secular world and I wasn’t entirely ready to let it go. I enjoyed listening to music with explicit words and reading books about romance, I thought it was cool to smoke cigarettes before school and to sneak out of my friend’s house to meet boys. I didn’t know if I could devote myself fully to this when so much of who I was had to be put aside. Somehow I managed a nice middle between my Christianity and my secular self. I was completely devoted to my religion but I allowed myself the luxury of books and songs that weren’t found in Christian bookstores. I was worldly and therefore I was popular amongst my youth congregation. Many of my new acquaintances were excited about my transformation and told me that I “just had to go to summer camp, it’s like a total God high, you’ll be on fire for like ever.”

I wasn’t really a summer camp type of person but the fact that I would learn so about God in the Middle of Nowhere, Texas intrigued me. I was really passionate about learning about my new life and summer camp seemed like a great opportunity to be fully emerged into it. I agreed to go.

The cabins were small with about eleven bunk beds to each cabin. I decided to take the top bunk in the far corner, next to air conditioning and the bathrooms. I was older than most of the girls in my cabin and our counselors were two years older than me. The girls immediately formed their own cliques even within the intimate area of Cabin 5. Even though I had made many friends by now, I was still felt like an outsider. Next to my Bible sat a book titled “Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs.” It was definitely not found at Christian bookstore.

The girls seemed more into how they looked at camp than the actual camp experience. They each came equipped with hair straightners, curling irons, five different hair products, perfume, make up kits, clothes for the day-time, and clothes for the night-time service. During the day the girls would prance around in short shirts and tight t-shirts and at night they would put on nice jeans and polo shirts, they would do each other’s hair and share lip-gloss. I was not aware of this and had only packed basketball shorts and old jeans. I thought that camp was camp and that Church camp was camp but with the presence of God.

I think I was wrong.

The services were like rock shows, the Church had found a way to reach the youth of America and that was through fog machines, screaming vocalists, strobe lights, and scripture-tattooed guitarists. There were over a hundred of us packed into the camp auditorium and I found myself pressed up against sweaty bodies all thrashing to the lyrics of “Our God is an Awesome God.” Amongst the bodies I found myself looking around for such an Awesome God but was disappointed as someone’s hair swung into my face.

So this was Church camp. I was not impressed. But many people were. Many acted with the devoutness of a martyr as they exclaimed about the Pastor’s luke-warm, teen friendly message. Many waved their hands in exhaustion after rocking to the worship music. Many huddled together in prayer as they expertly applied mascara that would only streak later- when they cried during the altar call.

I didn’t know what to think about all of this. I had spent most of my life proudly defying God and now that I had accepted Him, it seemed that He was defying me. I had purposely left the secular world for one week to become fully engulfed in His presence. But instead I felt like I just left where I had started. I wanted truth and I suppose I got it, but it was glossy and veneered. You are supposed to leave church camp feeling enriched and ready to spread the Word, but I felt like I had just lost my identity. These thoughts streamed through my head as my bunkmate offered me her pale pink lip-gloss.
I accepted.

It was the last night of Church camp and the worship service was going to be cut short because they were doing baptisms. I decided to sign up to be baptized. Baptism is an outward sign of an inward change, I was drowning my sin-life and I was going to be reborn, from the holy waters as a true believer. Perhaps this is what I was looking for this whole time? This seemed like it would be a truly Holy experience, I mean even Jesus was baptized.

I stood in line as I waited for my name to be called. We were all wrapped around the swimming pool. I was wearing male swim trunks and an “All-American Reject” t-shirt. I waited and I prayed. I walked down the swimming pool steps and the water was cold. Despite my modest apparel, the water spread everywhere. I felt exposed. People were watching me. People watched as I walked towards the Pastor, they watched as my clothes, now wet, clung to my body and my hair went inch by inch into the depths of the swimming pool. I was received into the arms of the Pastor and I stared at the faces around me- all shadowed by the night and the fluorescent lighting. The Pastor asked me if I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I said yes, as confidently as I could. He asked me some other questions that I don’t remember, I just remember thinking the water looked different in this lighting and that I too must look different. He then told me to hold my nose, I complied. Almost instantly I was dunked into the water. I opened my eyes and I stared up at the blurry shape of the Pastor, I stared at the bright fluorescent lighting- now distorted by the waves. It looked like the lights of Heaven. I felt the water swirl in my hair and my eyes started to burn from the chlorine. When I was released, the Pastor hugged me. I think he said, “congratulations.” I stumbled out of the water and rubbed my eyes. They were now stinging.

“How do you feel now?” A friend asked me.
“Good,” I replied. I walked back to my cabin and the red dust of Texas swirled around my feet. My skin was white from the water but was now turning pink from the dust. I sat on the steps in front of my cabin and watched as water streamed down my ankles, mixed in with all that red dust. It looked like blood.

I sat there for a few more minutes; in the darkness I listened for what I hoped was a Holy sign. I listened and I could hear voices singing- the truly devout were at worship. There voices, likes Angels, echoed amongst the cedar trees and I swatted at a fly. Am I any different now than I was an hour before?

Yes. I decided.

I now smelled like chlorine.

a day in bullets

2008-02-16T20:55:00.002-06:00

what i have had to eat today:

1 croissant (but not the full croissant b/c it was too fulling)
1 cup of coffee!
1 piece of strawberry shortcake
3 mini chocolate chip cookies
3/4 can of Annies Organic Ravolis with broccoli
cantaloupe

reading this makes me realize i'm bad at eating.

but i haven't had much of an appetite today. or the past few days.

songs that i love right now:

keep breathing- ingrid michaelson
elephant- damien rice
oh so quiet- bjork
across the universe- from the self titled soundtrack

what i have done today

woke up early, early, early
went to work and worked
watched 2 movies (Ice Princess and Uptown Girls- it was the only thing on)
putzed around on the internet
so... nothing

books i wish i was reading

persepolis vol. 2
and anything else you got for me...i'm at a loss. HELP.

how i feel right now

old
tired

wish

2008-02-15T13:24:00.002-06:00

so i took that picture with my phone sometime this past week.
i like it a lot. and i like my phone even more for producing a good picture.
:)

my other half

2008-02-12T14:57:00.001-06:00

"and then this morning i was slicing open a hardboiled egg. because i will not eat the yolk. i like the white part. and i was thinking about the myspace thing, "who i'd like to meet." and i decided i'd like to meet someone who would eat the yellow part of the egg for me."
- september 2006

american beauty

2008-02-12T08:21:00.000-06:00

yeah i feel dumb for posting so many pictures of jewelry on my last post. but i was excited about how pretty and simple everything was. i guess those my ideal jewels.

i told myself i wasn't going to write until i showered. but i guess i don't listen to myself. there are a lot of things that are hitting my mind right now and some are private family matters that i REALLY want to talk about but i don't think it's appropriate and others i can talk about more freely.

yesterday Greg turned 30. we didn't do much of anything which i feel bad about. but he had to work the whole day and i had class that evening so our schedules were conflicted. instead, on sunday, i brought home hamburgers (veggie for me) and we watched "punk drunk love." i thought "punch drunk love" was going to be this romantic comedy and in a way it kind of is...but in a larger way it is so not. i also made a chocolate pie yesterday, following gregs mom's recipe, and i must say it turned out pretty well for someone who has no patience for the science of baking. (i once tried to bake a cake and it turned into hard bread....how?) it's a recipe i will definitely use again, probably within the month. that will then be three chocolate pies consumed. :)

on friday i got to see my friend tony. and that reminded me of friendships how they are important, even if you have found "the one" and he/she is your best friend till death do you part, i think friendships are important. i've been feeling nostalgic about this lately and i realized that even though i'm not the only one from my high school class who hasn't really stayed in touch with anyone, i wonder- is fort worth really that far from dallas or austin (which is where seems to reside now)?
anyways, i'm eager to put myself out there on the friendship market if anyone is interested.

what exactly will the future hold? sometimes everything seems pretty clear. and then five minutes later something comes along and muddles it up. and by future i mean what are we going to do career wise?
sometimes i feel like i can really settle. like have the perfect home and the 9-5 career. and i think i can do that.
but sometimes i also get this urge to just do something really absurd like move up north or to europe (with greg of course) and go on tour with him and just live off a bus or something like that. and i know these things aren't incredibly crazy but for someone whose lived in texas their whole life- i'd say it would be a change.
last year, we decided to be missionaries. and i guess that's still not out of the picture. we were going to apply to move to france to be with a start-up church there. but there were some regulations and rules that stopped us from doing anything about it.
i guess what i'm trying to say is...
i don't want to be ordinary.

dogeared

2008-02-08T10:57:00.000-06:00

my eye is better.

i drew a cartoon.

and today we get these babies:

or so we hope.

greg's birthday is monday. we are celebrating sunday. and i have a some surprises.

here are some more items to add on my birthday list:

i heard a plug about this website on the Today Show and I'm obsessed.

a start

2008-02-06T10:55:00.001-06:00

i woke up this morning with my right eye slightly swollen.

i look like monster eye. greg says he doesn't see a difference. and i'm thinking "great, so i am always monster eye mcgee." i think i know the culprit too. a small zit (ew) that some how managed to make my whole left eye swollen and monster-y.

ok i actually want to talk about something else.

so lately i've been feeling God working my life. mainly in my thoughts. Greg and I have been asked to join this new start-up church in Keller, Texas. We've gone to a few of the events and Greg has been meeting with the pastor on a weekly basis. this is something we've been praying about. we haven't really felt a large YES YES YES from God yet on joining this church but I think we're starting to feel a peace about it and I think that maybe feeling a peace is similar to a YES YES YES. what do you think?

we each have our own hesitations about joining the church but i think they are being flushed out. i guess my biggest hesitation is my future career in a ministry. but i think that can be worked out in a year.

i am really excited about what this church has to offer. we've been looking for a God-filled community and Godly friends to help lift us up and sharpen our iron. I feel really strongly about this and this connection we're starting to form with the church.

anyways. from these thoughts and from the many prayers we've been praying about this decision I've start to feel that familiar tug at my heart again. My thought process has started to change and I've been more aware of my thoughts and actions and words, I guess I've been trying to think and act like the Bible asks to think. It's a start.

so please pray for us as we start to make our decision on joining the church. pray that it's a God- driven decision and not just something WE want but something that perhaps, God wants for us.

thanks.

i guess the world is my oyster

2008-02-05T17:05:00.000-06:00

today i was told by my english teacher that i was good writer.

(and now i feel like i can't write a proper sentence)

how do you follow up with a comment like that?

and how gratifying is that? to be told something like that?

needless to say, i'm very happy with the results of today.

and i'm very happy that i get to spend the rest of my evening eating chocolate chip cookies and reading at a bookstore.

twenty first birthday wish list

2008-02-05T10:39:00.000-06:00

what i want for my birthday

1. world peace. and i realize this is an unattainable goal b/c that would mean everyone else would have to feel peace not just the world but everyday life. i don't think that will happen anytime soon.

2. to be a better, more faithful Christian. i want to feel that urge to study the Bible and I want to feel inspired by it again.

3. to figure out my future career. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

4. to own all seasons of Gilmore Girls and Sex and the City on DVD. (i just finished Gilmore Girls yesterday and I cried!)

5. to have a never ending library of books.

6. a cute pair of flats, probably black flats since they are so universal. but the ones i have stretch out easily and then they fall off my feet.

7. a pair of good, sturdy black tights.

8. no more homework.

9. a dream house! with a tall, tall fence so olive won't escape.

10. an always stocked fridge.

11. good health.

12. a solid, loving marriage.

13. a continually great relationship with my parents and family.

14. to grow my hair longer.

15. a matching earring to the one i lost.

and the nice thing is i think all of those are within reach- maybe not the world peace- but all of them could happen.

happy birthday

2008-02-02T06:50:00.001-06:00

happy birthday olive dog.

she is one year old today.

mind frames

2008-01-28T22:45:00.000-06:00

several things are hitting my mind right now to discuss.

1. my dinner tonight was odd. it started out normal with cheese quesadillas from the fairly new restaurant Red Cactus. they were nice and cheesy. the guac was good as was the salsa. but i felt really full afterwards, bad full.

i got done with class at 8:40 and i came home and decided to reward myself for the seven hours i had just spent doing homework, eating thin mints, and reading for school. so i made some cookies. the little nestle mini cookies. perfect size. well after eating two of those my hunger was lusting for more. so i ate some yogurt, rice crispies, and honey. and put two more cookies in the oven...except these were actually four more. and then, once those were gobbled up by my gluttony i ate some sugar snap peas. for nutrition.

2. i have recently developed a fear of swelling. my face swelling. my tongue swelling. my throat swelling. etc etc. how was this caused...i don't know. but i look in the mirror every seven minutes to make sure my features look normal.

3. i read the essay "American Goth" by Sarah Vowell this morning. i want to post it here soon, if i can find it online. i think it's the best essay in her book "Take the Cannoli," a book of a series of essays about her life. I didn't like Vowell or her book until I found out she was a contributor to NPR. Once I discovered this I felt a weird connection between us, like I know your voice and your story from your voice. I know you don't drive, you're dad re-builds guns, your 1/8 or 1/4 Cherokee, and you have a twin sister.

4. I have two drafts done for my papers due tomorrow. Right now I am reveling in the fact that I don't have class until 12:30 so I can finish those papers.

5. Would it be bad to eat more cookies? I must restrain myself.

6. In the coming weeks I'm supposed to write a letter to someone in the profession I want to enter. I am supposed to mail this letter to my someone. I am supposed to interview them. And if that's not humilating enough I'm supposed to make a portfolio about my someone and also send it to them.

so here is the question: what do i want to be?

here is my answer: a professional reader. let me lie in bed with a cup of coffee and read my little heart out. let me read good books for the rest of my life. let me not have to write responses on those books unless stirred to do so. let me sit in front of the fireplace with olive at my feet as i make my through the next bestseller or a tired, old favourite.

is there such a profession?

7. speaking of books. what should i read next? i just finished "Jesus Land" by Julia Scheeres. It was great. I couldn't put it down. I started Saturday night and finished Sunday afternoon.

8. I'm also making my way through Sex and the City, Season 6. Where Charlotte meets Harry. I smile this big romantic smile when I see them together. But I recently came to a dilemma, I am now borrowing Season 7 of Gilmore Girls from my friend Katharine. So the question is: Manhattan or Stars Hollow?

9. This morning, or was it yesterday? I dreamt that Greg and I would move into a big rent-to-own farm house with some land. Not a lot of land, but a nice amount for Olive to scamper about on. We would paint it and re-do somethings in it. We would place all of our humble-jumble furniture in it and turn it into something beautiful. I wonder if this will happen.

10. I miss the community of church. I miss church. I miss desiring God. I miss wanting to go to Church, I miss sermons. I miss church friends. Why am I at this standstill in my relationship with God? We have this on-again, off-again relationship going and I want it to be permanently on. I pray, but should I pray harder? Do I need quiet time? I read some of Matthew last week and I understood most of thanks to past sermons and readings but I don't think I got much out of it other than the fact I opened my Bible...it's been a couple of months. I was once told that you should read your Bible until you get something out of it. I guess I was looking for something life changing. I want God to move in me, but how? What do I need to do to reaffirm my faith?

11. I just fed my dog low-fat turkey.

and ode to my life

2008-01-26T18:44:00.000-06:00

i need to write something.

tonight is pizza and sex and the city. more, i know.
oh i know.
but how can you beat that.
and i finally get cereal tonight. after craving it for 2 weeks.

we drove around keller today.
we saw only one cool housing division.
let me know if you know where any are.
not that we're moving there. just looking.

we also went through southlake.
and ended up in grapevine.
and the mad house that is "steve and barry's"
b/c sarah jessica parker has a clothing line now
and i wanted some of the goods
but most of them were picked over. and the amount of ppl in the store made me feel crazy.
so i bought a shirt dress which turned out to be almost a little too small...?
and a shirt. which might be ok?

i may exchange them.

we then took naps. oh i love naps.
naps that felt like hours and hours and no alarm clock.
naps that were only woken up by hunger.
and now i know that i need to homework.
i need to read, read, read. and write.
but all i want to do is curl up with greg, pizza, and sjp.
who can blame me?

short essay 1

2008-01-22T18:12:00.001-06:00

the more people read the more limitations i have in writing. meaning... i don't want to offend anyone. at least not yet.

here is a short essay i wrote this morning. i'll probably turn it in for my class titled "The Essay." i've done no editing to it yet.

Picking Fleas

When I was little my mom was always picking things off of me. Somehow I attracted little bits of fuzz and hairs all over my clothes and my mom felt it was her duty to preen me. We would stand in the check out line at the grocery store and my mom would plant herself behind and pluck the little hairs away. I would turn beet red and exclaim that she was embarrassing me. My mom would then say, “Ericka, all mom’s do this.” I would shake my head and turn my back towards the stand of gum flavors so she wouldn’t be able to pluck. This behavior reminded me of the monkeys in National Geographic, picking and plucking fleas from other monkey’s backs. A long line of monkeys with my mom’s maternal instincts, just picking and plucking.

Eventually I became aware of the little hairs on my sweaters, these little intruders to my freshly washed turtlenecks and dry cleaned coats. I think when I became aware of these intrusions is when I started to become like my mother. I am sure that I am not the only one who cares so much about the state of their clothing. But I feel like everyone will notice that one long white hair that is gracefully swept across the back of my left shoulder. Where did that hair come from? I don’t have white or even blonde hair and I’ve been inside my apartment the whole day. I conclude it’s from my ever-shedding cream ½ angora hair, ½ wool sweater. I pick the hair off my shoulder and my primal instincts flare. My mom has taught me well.
I have been more than self conscious lately about these hairs, these fuzzies… in fact I have been obsessed. Last spring I purchased I dog from the Humane Society. I didn’t know anything about puppies and I didn’t think she would shed. I was wrong. So wrong.

Olive is a delight. The one trick she knows is “sit.” Rather, that is the one trick she will do without a treat. But she knows other things like “jump up” or “get down” and I think she even knows “lay down” and “come here” but she chooses not to listen to those commands. We got her at 2 months old. She was this chubby, red haired, freckly puppy. She looked a lot like I did as a toddler. She had little black spots on her nose and olive green eyes. That is why we named her Olive. Since then her eyes have changed to a reddish-brown, they match her coat. She was sick when we got her. She had this horrible runny nose and she sneezed throughout the night. I never had maternal instincts until that first night. All she did was sleep. When she finally got well, the Terror started. She had these sharp little puppy teeth and sharp little puppy claws. She followed us everywhere and everywhere we went came those little sharp Horrors. She was teething…teething us. She snapped her jaws in the air just trying to catch something, anything in her jaws to gnaw on. Snap snap snap, she looked like an alligator. She ran around clumsily with her mouth wide open and when she finally skidded to stop her jaws would wrap around whatever was near her and she would chew and gnaw in a dreamy satisfaction. I didn’t notice the hairs until the summer time. She had kept most of her coat through months 3 and 4.

We took her to the vet in early June and he said, “oh she’s starting to shed.” I looked at my fiancé with dread and sent up a silent prayer that it wouldn’t be bad. But Olive has a very thick coat. Most women would die for hair like hers. And starting from that day on I found little hairs everywhere I went. On my jeans, on my socks, the pillow, my shirts, and large clumps on my sweatpants. No amount lint brushes could take away those little red hairs. Those little red reminders that Olive was with me…as if I didn’t have the teething scars to prove it.

I don’t want to be the lady covered in pet hair. I wonder if I should start wearing a colour that would match the hairs… but redheads don’t look good in red, at least that’s what I think. I guess I’m grateful that my hair matches my dog’s hair. Those fine DNA samples, oh the cloning we could do with them. It’s not just my clothing that suffers from Olive’s love it’s also the carpet, the bed, the car. The car is the worst. I promise I’m not as messy as my car looks. But when Olive is in the car; that is when she sheds the most. I guess it’s from the excitement of going somewhere. To a dog it’s a great adventure, Homeward Bound all over again. I feel like a whole other dog could be formed from the hair that sticks the grey, cloth seats.
My mother sat in the backseat of my car during Christmas. At first it was fine and we were talking about what a disappointment Christmas lunch at been at the Hilton. For the last four years no one in my family has wanted to cook on Christmas day so we have made reservations at various fancy Hotels with ice sculptures and buffets. My mom was sitting in the backseat and I was in the front passenger seat.

“I just don’t think what we paid was worth it,” mom says

“Yeah, they didn’t have that many vegetarian options,” is my response- I’m a vegetarian

“I guess we won’t…” Mom stops mid sentence and I look back behind me, her face is twisted in disgust and I know, oh I know.
All over her nice black coat is Olive. Red hairs forming patterns and puzzles. My car is a harbor for this Red Sea. I apologize profusely to my mom and she takes it gracefully. But I feel like I’m ten years old again and I’m being told to clean my room. I help my mom pick the little red hairs from her nice black coat and I explain that I usually don’t ever look in the backseat and mom says that Olive shouldn’t be allowed in my car anymore. I silently agree. My mom’s disgust is my disgust and as much as I love my dog I shudder with every little hair I pick up and toss out the window. I look at my mom and I realize I am like her. Her genetics, her mannerisms, even her smile is mine. I follow her hand as she plucks and throws, plucks and throws, my hand is a mirror imagine. We are that long line of monkeys, sitting on a large fallen tree trunk, picking fleas.

books to read or finish reading...

2008-01-18T09:09:00.000-06:00

middlesex-
so i started this book awhile ok and i really hated it. i didn't like "the virgin suicides" either. but i kept reading it and it's gotten incredibly good. really good. unfortunately i had to take a break from reading it with school starting and all but since i'm going to go get my brakes checked this morning i thought i would read it at Pep Boys.

jesus land-
i heard it's good

dracula-
i started the first twenty pages of it and then remember that i still had another book to finish.

a million little pieces-
supposedly some of it is not true but regardless it's still supposed to be a good book.

the refridgerator

2008-01-16T22:30:00.000-06:00

what is in my fridge:

*2 bottles of salsa
1. the winner of the best Austin salsa
2. hernadez salsa- i think
*1 almost empty jug of OJ
*1 box of soy milk
*1 jug of water
*1 very old bottle champagne that has never been opened
*a bag of chocolate
*hummus
*land of lakes butter, one stick
*2 bottles of soy sauce
*2 jams: blackberry and strawberry
*2 cans of sliced olives
*2 spritzers of salad dressing
1. red wine
2. balsamic
*spicy mustard
*3 jars of peanut butter... THREE!
*baking soda

and finally,
*salt lick barbeque sauce

that's so sad. i have the fridge of a male bachelor.

Experience VS. Education

2008-01-15T12:42:00.000-06:00

This is Greg by the way! I have not written in a very long time but my name is attached to the title of this blog so i think i should post something every once in a while. I have been looking for a new job/career path for a good 3 months now and it seems to me that your experience is much more important than your education. Almost everyone has turned me down because I don't have enough experience in that specific field of work. I hear that the economy is slowing and no one is hiring right now so I guess the bosses don't want to take a chance on anyone unless they are already experienced. This brings to mind my theory that your first job out of college is a very important decision and milestone in a persons career. It could possibly define what field of work you will stay in for a long time. Right now I feel like I am in a catch 22, meaning that I don't have the experience i need for the jobs I want and I cant afford to go back to school or take an entry-level position if they were out there! Oh, and for the jobs I really want, you pretty much have to work for free for about 2 years before they even consider taking you on full-time. I just don't have the luxury of taking an internship like that and still being able to live. Sometimes I regret working at Familynet for as long as I did because it really hindered my work experience, but then I realize that I probably would not have ever met Ericka and that makes up for everything. With her, I feel like the wealthiest man alive! I know a lot of people who put their careers before anything else and because of that they have really great jobs. I know people who move across the country for a new job, but leave the one they love behind. I couldn't do it. In my world, I have something way more valuable, fulfilling, and rare with my fiance. It's a relationship that works without all the work. I know that relationships take work, but they shouldn't take so much work that it drains the life out of you. As a matter of fact, i have found with Ericka, that the more work we put into our relationship, the more we reap in happiness and fulfillment. Most likely, jobs and careers are going to change, but our relationship will always remain. For now, I think my new job/career is more or less a waiting game, I know the Lord will provide just like he always does and will provide a new job for me when the time comes. In the meantime I am still on the hunt and still sending resume's while I work at Starbucks. I do know one thing for sure is that wherever the Job is, it will not be away or take away from my relationship with Ericka. Can't wait to see what's next!

cheers

2008-01-13T13:33:00.000-06:00

school starts tomorrow. i already have homework... two thumbs down for that.

today we skipped church (again... i know). greg's allergies have been giving him a really really hard time. right now he is curled up on my bed fast asleep. his right eye is all swollen and red and watery. i think he was up half of the night dealing with allergies. so we decided to stay in today.
instead of church we continued our way through the greatness that is "Freaks and Geeks." i can't believe i've never seen that show. it's amazing. and i made fried eggs and bagels.
then we went to Target and i bought my school supplies for this semester (folders and notebooks).
and now i just finished cleaning my incredibly gross bathroom and kitchen. my bathroom was the worst. i don't understand how such a small space can be so disgusting????!!? now it is sparkling clean. all i have left to do is finish organizing some and vacuum. easy.

i guess i'm ready for this semester. usually i have such a good time buying school supplies- it used to be one of my favourite activities but this year i was bored and tired of it. i guess i'm ready for school to be over with. some people love college and it's not that i don't...it's just i know that ready to move on and start what everyone calls "the real world."

here's to another semester. the last spring semester.
thank goodness.

this is a good day

2008-01-11T12:34:00.000-06:00

i passed geography. not only that but i passed it with a high grade of a C.
i dusted my shelves.
and i cleaned certain areas of my kitchen floor.
there a new sheets on my bed.
my fiance has an amazing voice.
i had a bagel with strawberry jam today.
and my dog is getting a bath.

this is a good day.

sincerely,
ericka

...

2008-01-10T09:30:00.000-06:00

i feel

stressed

the stall at the crossroads

2008-01-08T14:40:00.000-06:00

it is only 3:00. i am bored. i have done nothing today. well, i finished a book (the other boleyn girl- it's going to be movie soon). and i did some laundry. greg and i also finished watching the Bourne trilogy (identity, supremacy, and ultimatum). so now that i have completed a book, laundry, and a movie trilogy i find myself with nothing to do.

in all actuality there is plenty to do...
i can finish studying for dreaded geography
i can by school supplies for next monday when i start my final spring semester
i can start the long, loathsome process of cleaning my little apartment

but really i would much rather contemplate on if i want to take a nap or not. or maybe start the other book i bought last week, "middlesex."

i plan on devoting my evening from 5:00 to 10:00 to studying geography. i think that is enough before i get burnt out.

this break has gone by much faster than previous breaks. but maybe that is b/c i have been working this whole break and i've been in FTW and not in plano. not that plano is a horrible place to be but there is definitely some freedom lost when you go back home.

the past few days have been so off for me. they've been good days. but the weather has made it feel more like spring than winter- how january should feel. i don't mind the sun shining and the warmer weather but it makes me feel nostalgic and that's always a weird feeling for me. always.

i am moderately excited about my classes this spring. i guess i am more excited about it being the last spring semester of school for me. i am excited that i will be one more semester closer to being mrs. pherigo.
i have no idea what the future holds. i am sure that we will have much happiness and love but right now we both are at such crossroads and new beginnings, it's rocky ground but happily so.

greg has a show on thursday. at opening bell in dallas.
:)

ps. i hate starbucks more and more everyday.
but i do love the water there.

the past weeks, fast track

2008-01-01T14:43:00.001-06:00

i haven't written in forever. i will bullet point some of the stuff that has happened- can i even remember?

- i've worked a lot
- i actually had beautiful looking gift wrap this year and pretty presents! i feel adult about that
- i am storing my xmas ornaments away this year and my tree, i've never done that before. but my mom has the rest of everything that will be mine in their storage. woah.
- christmas was good. it was peaceful.
- i had a barium swallow the next day and it was probably the best hospital procedure i've ever had. i'm not even kidding.
- i received a lot of great stuff for christmas- i am blessed.

-greg and i went to houston this past weekend to see his family.
- we made gingerbread houses
- it was extremely fun, the whole weekend

- for new years we went to jeff's house and played cranium with steve, jeff, joe, and tori. it was probably the best new years i've ever had.
- now i will buy cranium.

-school starts in about two weeks.
- need to buy books
- i need to get my car fixed- the brakes are making weirdy noises

christmas take one

2007-12-22T16:09:00.000-06:00

bad picture of my christmas tree and our presents.
yay

last year, one day ago

2007-12-19T19:58:00.000-06:00

last year, one day ago Greg and I decided to start dating.

As almost everyone knows- I met Greg at Starbucks. We had started talking and formed a great friendship. And our friendship turned into something more but I was unsure of what to do about it. I really liked Greg but this was my first time in years to be single and I was enjoying it. I didn't know if I wanted to start something serious and I knew that if I committed myself to Greg, it would be serious. The more I thought about it the more I realized that everyone else I was seeing didn't compare to Greg in the slightest. I remember getting sick a couple of days before a year ago, yesterday and Greg met me at the doctors and waited with me there. I remember thinking "if I let this one go I will forever regret." So as soon as I decided to commit to Greg I just had one obstacle to overcome- our ages. If you don't know Greg and I are nine years apart. I had no idea how my parents would react to us dating but that was just something we would have to worry about when we got to that point.

So one year ago, one day ago Greg and I decided to have our Christmas- I was going back home the next day. I bought him the lamest gift ever and I only say that b/c I don't think he liked it. :)
I bought him "Nine Stories" by JD Salinger. I wasn't really too sure what to get him so a nice, old book seemed like the perfect gift. We went to his friend, Brad's house. Brad has a shed outside of his house where Greg was staying (I still shudder at this) and we sat on the mattress and exchanged our gifts. He gave me the best present I received that year. Maxwell. Our plant. I know I sound ridiculous by naming a plant: Maxwell. But I wanted something living and Greg gave me a really beautiful houseplant. I still have the christmas card he gave me- nuns playing basketball on the covers.

After our present exchange we went to our friend Justin's house. Justin was throwing a "martini party." If you can't guess the guest star of the party it's the martini- a nastily strong drink. (I'm not much of a fan of alcohol). I remember really good cheese at this party. One of my favourite pictures of Greg came from this party.

So after the party, Greg drove me to my aunt's house, where I was staying that whole year. We were in his Jeep. I don't really remember if we talked about anything before I said something along the lines of "let's be serious, let's do this, i want us to only see each other...and we'll figure the rest out later." i wish i remember my exact lines but I don't.

But that was how we officially began this journey, this relationship, this life. Never have I felt more content with a decision. I have never even though about a way out or what it would be like to not be with Greg...well I have but when I do think about it it's like this un-imaginable void.

Blessed are we in love.

one year

2007-12-18T21:54:00.000-06:00

happy one year to us.
it's gone by really fast. but not fast enough. never fast enough. and in one year and two days we'll be married. see- not fast enough.

pictures of the day will come soon!!!!!!

the first week of winter break, 2007

2007-12-17T10:15:00.000-06:00

today marks the first week of winter break. i am happy that i don't have anything to really worry about other than cleaning my apt and wrapping my christmas gift- because yes, i finished all of my christmas shopping today. i might go out and get a few more items but for the most part...everything is done! i could no feel more relaxed about this christmas than i do today. i think this is the first time in ages that i got everything all done a week prior to christmas. usually it's a few days beforehand. we'll see how long it takes me to wrap everything.

i had my endoscopy this past friday. the only thing they found was redness in my stomach. hmmm. they took a biopsy so we'll see what that says in a couple of days. on that note- i've felt super weird all day. but i think a good dinner should correct that. a good dinner and finishing up the season of LOST. we have about 4 episodes left. woah.

greg and robert threw a part on saturday. it was okkkkk. it was cold and muddy and i had no desire to go outside with all of the people who wanted to smoke or talk or drink. so i sat on the couch and kept falling asleep. i'm so bad at partying.

what else? greg and i went to church this sunday. the pastor said something really great, i'll be paraphrasing but it was something like, "your desires intersect perflect with God's purpose." and i started thinking about that and i wasn't really sure what he meant b/c I desire a lot of things that probably aren't Godly and have nothing to do with my purpose. but the more i thought about the more i realized that some of the things I desire, the things that feel extremely right- those are probably part of God's purpose? What are those things? Well I haven't recieved any divine calling or vocation annoucements from God but I know that I'm supposed to be a wife and a mother. I know I'm supposed to learn more about God and loving Him. I suppose those things are part of God's purpose for me and maybe prupose isn't always: job. I think a lot of the times ppl think that their purpose is what they do to make money. But maybe your purpose is what you do to serve God. I don't know really. I'd like to know what I'm going to do to make money considering in one year and three days I will be married. But I guess that's where trusting in God comes in...and sometimes that is just HARD.

Also, we drove to Dallas last night and saw Juno. Awesome, awesome, awesome movie. I'm not going to go into the plot summary or anything- that's what imbd or something like that is for (yahoo movies?). But I suggest everyone sees this movie. It's probably one of my favourites and I definately want to rent it- maybe own- because I missed a lot of the lines due to laughter. Not that it was a total laughing movie, there was alot of heartfelt realities. I guess that's what made the movie so great, it was real.
Go see it.

toms

2007-12-10T17:50:00.000-06:00

today i bought a pair of Toms. great shoes. they looked all weird off my feet but once you put them on they are great.
go read about them:
TOMS
the neat thing is when you buy a pair they donate a pair to a child who needs shoes. i really like that. there are about three more pairs i want. i wasn't going to get any shoes today when we went to Shoe Gypsy but I needed shoes to keep my feet warm and my flats weren't covering it, i didn't want to always wear boots, and/or tennis shoes. so the Toms caught my eyes.

today i've done a whole lot of nothing. i'm getting ready to study for my one exam tomorrow...night. i talked to one of my professors and i'm going to recieve and incomplete in his class and retake all of the tests in january. that's the best news ever.

so i need to find a new drink from starbucks. i've been drinking hot chocolate but i'm getting kinda sick of it. i haven't had coffee in over a month. and i don't really like tea right now, or at least i don't like their decaffeinated teas.

it's cold outside and my heater goes off every 30 minutes so my only source of warmth is my electric blanket. i can't wait to have central heat and air....and proper insulation. i feel like those are really grown up things to want in a house.

ok. now it is time to study. i need to do something productive.

Movie Movie Movie

2007-12-09T17:09:00.000-06:00

i want to move. move from my little apt. into a bigger house with a fireplace and central heat and air. i want greg to move from his house into the house with me. we have a year or so. and then bliss.

we saw "The Golden Compass" this friday. don't hate. we both heard all of the rumours (or truths) about pullman's atheistic ideas and killing god, etc etc etc etc. but personally, i don't believe it. i'm sure he's an athiest but i think he just wrote some books and then some people found out he's not christian and now they want to go out and create a hulabaloo. now when watching the movie i was looking for the undertones of "killing god" but i more saw the goal to be to overthrow the government- or something like that. and the government was based on some religion or had religious undertones or a base, it reminded me alot of catholicism (the dress, mainly). so really , go see it and decide for yourself before you make some rash decision when you probably haven't even read the books.

we also saw "Waitress" last night. that's the Keri Russell movie that came out this past summer. it was good. very realistic, funny, sad- i cried a bit. it left greg craving pie (which he is getting right now, as i type). I think this movie is definately one of my favourites. we're also watching "School of Rock" tonight. I've heard good things.
we bought a Blockbuster rewards card too- so now we get something from all of the movies we're renting...which is good b/c Lost Season 3 comes out soon and I'm pretty sure we're going to spend a fortune renting it.

Movies I want to see: Juno (!!!!) and Sweeny Todd.

Currently it is about 35 degrees outside and I'm kinda working on a paper. A paper that is due tomorrow. But I have a page written and I love writing for this class so I don't really mind.

We went back to TCBC (church) this morning. I really do like it there. The sermon was extremely relevant to our lives and some of our struggles. In case you're wondering what it was about it was basically about tithing and how sometimes we are robbing God. The interesting thing was that the sermon did not just hit on the money factor of tithing but it also discussed other ways we could be robbing God. I thought that was great (not robbing God, but the insight).

We then spent an hour grocery shopping at Target and now we are stationed here at Borders.

This has probably been one of the best weekends we've had mainly because Greg and I have had a lot of fun not really from the activities we've done but from just being together.

Next weekend: Christmas party!

TWELVE random THOUGHTS

2007-12-06T19:59:00.000-06:00

1. I went to the GI doctor this morning. She was much better doctor than the other one I saw. I have an endoscope scheduled in the next two weeks- that is where they will look down my esphagous and say "ohhhh so that is what's wrong." and then they will give me medicines and I will feel ok swallowing again and then I can eat a huge chiptole burrito.

2. I get my hair cut tomorrow. just a trim really. i always like getting my hair cut, it's relaxing and nice pampering-activity.

3. Olive needs a bath- but she always needs a bath.

4. Right now I am procrastinating finishing my paper for Religion, Art, and Visual Culture or as I like to call it The Class that Never Really Connected with it's Description. But I guess the prof can get away with that when it's his class.

5. I finally got one of these snuggly, warm fleeces from work. I've been wearing so weirdy cast off fleece that made me look like a valet. The new one is grey and thankfully not red like old one.

6. I finished off about 1/2 of the Brownie Batter ice cream we bought last night.

7. I went into Central Market today to buy our friend/room mate Robert a present and ended up buying way to much stuff. This usually happens when I go there. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROBERT!

8. I have new lenses for my glasses ordered. They should be here SOON.

9. I bought my first Christmas decoration on Tuesday. It's a rosemary bush shaped like a Christmas tree. Today I planned him (yes, the rosemary bush is a guy). I hope he lives. I always have such good intentions for my plants and somehow they end up dying but really I think it's from the changing seasons and all of the freakish rain we had this summer.

10. We're having a Starbucks employee/date Christmas party next Saturday. It should be a blast.

11. Tomorrow I get to sleep in- no doctors, no work, no school. I think we're making eggs but I really want what Elia made on Top Chef, Season 2, Episode 7- minus the ham!
YUM
But it's probably the ham that makes the dish.

12. Also, thank you to my co-worker Sheavon (who doesn't read this) for introducing me to Astrud Gilberto
LISTEN

Time.......

2007-12-03T16:36:00.000-06:00

how do you take time for yourself?
apparently I'm not good at this- yet I do no volunteering and when I do have free time (which is fairly often) I spend it in my bed and watching America's Next Top Model marathons. So is that REALLY taking time for myself? I don't know what else I would do with my spare time besides read or watch tv or do a crossword puzzle. According to my mom taking time for myself is taking a nap or just not thinking (which is easier said than done). I think if I were to spend time by myself, at least right now, I would become even more stressed than I probably already am.

By the way, I'm really stressed right now. But I didn't know it. Until about last week when I didn't know what was wrong with me. So I'm supposed to be stressed out and I'm not even sure if I am. Maybe I am because I have list of about ten things that need to be done- ten things that needed to be done last week.

maybe I will start yoga? That's supposed to be relaxing or something. I think I would think too much about everthing but the actual relaxtion part of yoga.

i should clean my house. and finish my french homework. and do some christmas shopping.
but tonight- i think i'll just watch heroes with greg and think about nothing.
that's good enough for taking time for myself- isn't it?

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

2007-12-02T09:51:00.000-06:00

i have mild or seasonal asthama? yeah. that could explain some of what i'm feeling. still doesn't explain my appetite or the thing in my thoart. but at least i have figured out something! thanks to family friend and fantastic allergist, mike!

last night greg and i saw "mr. magorium's wonder emporium." it was visually stunning but it wasn't the best plot, etc. i guess it was a little scattered? but i liked going to go see a movie and just having fun. this week has been way too stressful.

slowly my appetite is coming back, which is good. i won't disclose how much weight i've lost this week but it's a whole lot more than i would ever want for myself in one week. and today i had 3 square meals plus some. which is great. i love eating. i can't wait to eat a chiptole burrito.

today we went to church. i really do like going to church, especially when it's a church i feel strongly about. which is how i feel about the church we went to today. we've been visiting another church but i don't think we really connected with it. the pastor's sermons NEVER made sense... bah. but we really like this church. and i think we want to keep going.

i'm so excited that this is my last week of classes. infact wednesday is my last day of classes. and i get to sleep in this friday! i can't wait until winter break.

that's all.

all for now

2007-11-28T15:58:00.001-06:00

all i can say is i wish i felt better. a lot better. i feel so betrayed by my mind and body right now. all i want to do is rest and not even think about thinking what's wrong with me- which by the way- the GI dr said it's probably anxiety. So now two drs have said that and i guess as of RIGHT NOW that makes sense- b/c yes I am anxious because I don't know why I can't eat and my throat feels so closed and swallowing is so hard and why I feel like there is something in my throat. I'm seeing another GI dr next thursday mainly b/c I feel like the one I saw the other day blew me off b/c I'm "20 so nothing can be wrong with me." I wake up each day saying "it's going to be a good day today- finally." but somehow it isn't and it hasn't been since last saturday.

well that's all for now.

realization

2007-11-27T08:19:00.001-06:00

i just realized yesterday that this is my last full week of school. and i feel so unprepared. there is so much to do this week and next week. finals should be ok- i mean they won't be a blast but they will be ok. so this is like the worst time for me to have see a billion (ok about two) doctors.

but today i get to go see a GI doctor. I woke up so excited. is that weird? when you're excited to go see a doctor? i just want my appetite back- i miss chiptole! and i want to be able swallow things ok. and i don't want to feel like something is stuck in my thoart anymore. oh goodness. and i don't want chest pain anymore. or anything else!

that's all for now. 3 weeks left of school (including finals week) and doctor today!

more ER?

2007-11-25T17:32:00.000-06:00

it is cold and rainy and my lips are chapped.
here is the most recent story....

so greg and i went to austin for thanksgiving. i had such a great time. i love my new family. i love dripping springs. i loved thanksgiving- it was a great trip.
we got back friday and i had to work on saturday. at work i started experience the same chest pain that took me to ER on wednesday morning. so my parents told me i should go back to the hospital and we'll figure everything out and stay as long as we have to. my step dad met us there and after I took an EKG they decided to do the "fast track" and took me a trauma room. i was ok but they had seen something on my EKG that caused them some worry so I was given some nitroglycerin (it opens your veins or valves to let blood flow better) and my heartbeat got so fast and crazy- i think that was the most scared i've felt in awhile but there were nurses watching my moniters so i guess everything was ok. i was also giving potassium and after they decided my heart was beating extremely rapidly i was given a beta blocker to slow my heart rate back down. after about 4 hours we saw a cardiologist and he said he didn't think there was anything wrong with my heart but that if i wanted to i could stay over night and they would run some more tests on me. i chose to stay over night and they took my blood to look at my heart enzymes to check on my oxygen levels every three hours or so. staying over night was ok- i was nervous most of the night- i really do think that hospitals make you feel worse than you actually are- but at the same time it's reassuring knowing that someone is watching you and making sure you are healthy. the next day the cardiologist came back and said my heart looked fine and healthy and i was free to go. Good news.
we think my chest pain is being caused by something to do with my esphagous and stomach- so i see a GI sometime this week.
please keep praying!

Like Grey's Anatomy but Not

2007-11-21T11:24:00.001-06:00

I am waiting to do laundry. Before we leave for Austin- laundry must be done. So must be tons of other things like: shower, pick up prescriptions, get dog food, etc etc etc. Too much. Yet we continue to sleep and after last night I don’t blame us.

Here is the deal.

Recently I’ve had trouble swallowing and my throat has felt tight. This happened about a month ago but then it came back. Alongside the whole tight throat thing my heartbeat (to me) has felt weird off and on. So those two things together have worried me greatly- but I didn’t know what the cause could be but on Monday night during one of Greg’s shows all of a sudden my vision got blurry and my heart started racing, I don’t think anything major would’ve happened but it was big scare. We decided to stay over at my parents so I get visit my dr. in the morning and my dr. decided to check for thyroid problems and she has me hooked up to a 24 hr EKG. So on top of all of this around 5 last night I started to feel a weird pressure in my chest, like a some is applying moderate to heavy force with their hand on my chest. And I felt that way the whole night until I woke up at 3 in the morning and decided that it wasn’t a good feeling and I should probably get it all checked out. But since it’s the holidays and 3:00 am going to see my dr. in dallas wasn’t even an option. So I decided to go to the ER. Which sounds incredibly drastic and in no way do I feel that I am experiencing an honest emergency- but I wanted to at least know that I was ok because we are going out of town and all of the tests that my dr. is running on me won’t even be come back until after thanksgiving and I’ll be back at school. So while I felt like a wimp for going there I am glad I did- even if it did take about 4 hours out of our sleep (lovingly Greg went with me). ER dr did some tests and all came back normal and great and she then decided to prescribe some medicine that would help the pressure in my chest calm down- which I’m not incredibly sure if it’s working but I do feel a little better?
And now today we travel down to Austin and I suppose I am ok- I hope I am ok- I am sure I am. I just don’t know about chest pains, I know about the flu and colds- but the whole pressure in my chest and tight throat- that’s new to me. So please pray that it is nothing and everything will pass today!

Other news:
-Greg did play a show on Monday at Opening Bell coffee- he did so great. A lot of friends were playing so it was a fun show until we had to leave.
- it is cold outside. I love it.
- I love my new job also.

On to Austin!

to recap all that is happening

2007-11-16T19:11:00.000-06:00

- greg has glasses. he knows he needs them but he's not sure if they are helping or hurting.
they look good on him
- i like my new job, it's information overload. but i like it.
- i can't show my tatoo at my new job, it must be covered. i can feel my mom smirking at this sentence.
- we're going to the symphony on sunday. i scored free tickets from my church traditions prof.
- we're going to austin for thanksgiving. i am very excited. however, it will be my first thanksgiving in about ten yrs to not be with my mom- weird! i'm happy we're going out of town.
- i am so excited about next year and katherine's plans. i really i hope (i am sure) they will come true. i just need to figure out this ministry thing...bah.
- the semester will be over in about three weeks. insane.
- i get paid THREE times before christmas! (i found my mom the perfect christmas gift too)
- i can't read things too long w/o my glasses
- i had to wake up early on saturday (today) to be at work on time...but as you can see i am wasting that time on here.
- i can't wait for christmas shopping. i need to make a list for everyone.
- i can't wait for finals to be over, with that being said i think i only have three. HOWEVER, i have TWO that are take home essays...so still not great, but better than a blue book.

Oh Holidays What Change You Bring.

2007-11-08T08:53:00.000-06:00

it is 47 days away from Christmas. i'm very excited about this. but in the spirit of being a fair-holiday-lover I will not forget Thanksgiving. upon this mind set I am planning on keeping my Thanksgiving/Halloween decorations up until it is after Thanksgiving. It's just some pumpkins and ugly/interesting squashes. I have my eye set on a mini silver, tinsel tree from Urban Outfitters. So after Thanksgiving it will be properly time for Christmas. The only thing is all of my Christmas music is gone. I used to have a plethora of great Christmas music, I had about 15 versions of O Holy Night and now it is all gone. That is what happens when your PC crashes. And since I'm trying to be moral and not illegal dl music I'm stuck with whatever I can get. Bah Humbug.

So I quit the GAP. Yup. No more folding pants or wasting my life away in the fitting rooms getting a different sized shirt for a women and telling her what it looks like. No more awkwardly standing around trying to figure out what I can do next. No more messing up at the cash register- I'm quite horrible at ringing people up. And no more timidly asking someone if they want a GapCard. I do think I will miss the people I met there, the other employees.

I will be working at the The Grand Pet Resort and Spa. I'll be working with Guest Services- which is basically a receptionist to pet owners and their animals. I'm excited. I will have constant hours and it's better paying. Infact it's the best paid job I have ever worked. This is exciting. I start next Wednesday.

Greg's last day at FamilyNet is tomorrow. I am not sure if that change that is coming for us is a good one or a bad one? I know that I great covet the time I spend with Greg and I am a little afraid that our schedules will not merge how I want them too, we have been so luck so far in that we have been blessed to get to spend hours and hours together every day. Lucky us.

We have no real plans for Thanksgiving currently. It's a little sad. Usually I am not even aware that Thanksgiving plans are made (what a production!) until Thanksgiving day when I find myself stuffing stuffing (haha) into my mouth. I love those leftovers. But for right now my famil has no big plans and Greg tells me the same for his family. So what do we do? I definately want the traditional Thanksgiving feast (of course minus the Turkey).

I've been writing a paper for the past hour 1/2- 2 hours. I'm kind of at a standstill- between trying to grasp my conclusion. I don't really know what I wrote about and I don't really understand what I wrote. Goodness. I was talking to a classmate who said "I just hope to be done by midnight," and I know I should probably stay up until midnight- trying to figure out what Thomas Aquinas is saying and trying to understand what I am saying but honestly I don't care. I care about my grade which is why after Grey's Anatomy I will work on making my paper as readable and relatable to the subject as possible but I don't really care enough to stay up until midnight. I know that if I were to stay up until midnight I would make the same grade as if I were to stay up until 9 or 10 working on this.
Sometimes I am so bored of school.
Bored of Fort Worth too.
I wish I could be a professional reader, I would be great at that.

a revelation

2007-11-06T20:47:00.000-06:00

i've stopped drinking coffee.
not completely.
but for the most part my life has been coffee free for the last three weeks. this (if you know me) is somewhat huge. but it wasn't a huge change, it just kinda happened. and i'm glad. i've been drinking tea and not even that religiously, i just like having something hot to drink.

somehow i have gotten through this semester without owning any ink for my printer. i've been using the library printer. i'm debating on buying some b/c i hate the detour to the library but i think i might see if i can keep it up. or at least wait until thursday.

i have a second job interview with the ppl i interviewed for last week. it's tomorrow. i'm excited/nervous. i'll be up there for about two hours (or that's at least the scheduled time).

greg and i have never had a fight. we have (i think) thought about fighting and we have been on the verge at least twice of having a fight but somehow we have escaped the actually fighting. and that's because we decided to ignore the issue. we just both realized how we didn't like hurting each other and that we'd rather talk about everything rationally than fighting about something. i love this. but i know that eventually we might have a fight. i look forward to making up with greg after the fight but not the actual fight- i hate all those fight-y feelings.

friday is greg's last day at familynet. while that is an incredilby scary thing it's also a little exciting. it means that greg gets to have a fresh start at whatever he wants to do. and there are so many possibilities. i don't want to sound too cheesy but it's true. we've been making lists and notes of everything that he could do and each day something new comes up. so while our future is not set in stone, i know God will provide. maybe the future isn't supposed to be so clear. that's probably where faith and trust in God comes in?
(a lot of these past sentences come from my own experiences- i have NO idea what i want to do either)

Home, Where the Heart Is

2007-11-03T09:31:00.000-06:00

yesterday wa long and good. it felt like i was in high school again and dependent on my parents to move around the city.
which is sometimes an ok thing.

i met my mom at the doctor where he didn't really give us a diagnosis or anything. he just basically said the keep on watch.
i then got two shots (and two sore arms!)

and then my mom took me over to the neighborhood where they are moving. it's over by oak lawn for those who know dallas.
we decided to eat at cosmic cafe which we had both heard GREAT things about. but we were both incredibly disappointed. mom and i both recieved upset stomachs and yucky tasting food. i don't think i will ever go back there. it could've had something to do with my thai-food-food-posioning and the similiar flavours and smells at cosmic cafe. it was just gross.

after that we went to go see the new house. i love it. it's the same square footage as our house in plano but for some reason it seems smaller. there is no backyard really- just a patio. but the detailing (like the checkerboard wood floors) is amazing. my room/the guest room has a vaulted ceiling, balcony, and jacuzzi tub. they plan on moving either when our plano house sells or after the holidays. whichever comes first.

i took a nap on the study at the new house (there is no furniture there yet) while mom talked to a neighbor. a later found out that their other neighbor has a cat named Abby. Abby is a boy but Abby's owner didn't know that until after she named him Abby. She also walks Abby on a lease. It's a good cat, I got to meet him later.

After the nap, mom and I went up to Whole Foods where we walked around both feeling too sick from lunch to get really into the grocery shopping experience. She got some really good blueberry muffins for all of us in the morning and some coffee and chocolate macaroons. I love macaroons.

Paul met us at the new house and mom and I got ready for dinner. Then Greg drove in from FW and met us there too. For dinner we went to Watels, Allen Street Cottage. It's a place we have looked at in regards to the wedding. At first we wanted it to be the wedding reception site. But it was just too small to fit everyone. but the rehearsal dinner would have a smaller number of people and Watels has the perfect atmospher and cuisine for a nice rehearsal dinner. So we ate a fantastic meal and talked to the manager about the logistics of having a rehearsal dinner there. The only thing he really said that would cause us to shy away from booking it was that he didn't know if they would still be in business b/c having a restaurant in Dallas is hard. SO GO EAT THERE.

Today the Plano house is being shown at 2. So Greg and I will pack our bags and straighten our rooms to make the house more sell-able. The new place already feels like home. Probably b/c I have moved out of my current home. and while it is still "home" I know that in 1 year, 1 month, and 17 days I will have new home. A home that I have been waiting for even when I wasn't really thinking about it (I have never been one of those girls that planned her future in retrospect to a husband). And because I know that home is where I will be in almost one year and that home is really where my family is- I don't think the move will be that hard. There are a lot of good memories here (in Plano). Tons. But I think we are all ready for a new chapter to begin.

11-1. 10-31.

2007-11-01T13:40:00.000-06:00

It is November 1st.

i now have two savings accounts
olive had surgery today (we pick her up at 4:30- she is doing fine so says the vet)
greg presented me with the most gift for halloween
i paid a parking ticket and got it reduce to half
i have a load of laundry going
my kitchen is still incredibly dirty
grey's anatomy comes on tonight
greg's work is having a party
and i bought a new book

yesterday for halloween we only got TWO trick-or-treaters.
TWO.
how pathetic.
we even carved a pumpkin. i have NEVER carved a pumpkin. but we did. and we swept the porch. we even bought candy for the little kids. but only two.
the upside is we have a huge bowl of dark chocolate waiting for us.

The gift Greg gave me for Halloween is a cd of a song that he wrote that I've been wanting since I first heard it. It's a worship song and incredibly beautiful. I was so surprised and happy to get it. One of the best presents ever.

the ups and downs in grades

2007-10-30T19:09:00.000-06:00

1. my glasses never feel clean enough.
yuck.

so i have been constantly struggling with my world geography class this year. at a freshman level this class should've been an easy A. but unfortunatley it's not. even the guy who gets As on all of his tests turned to me today and said "these tests are hard." yes, yes they are. over 20 pages of notes, 75 vocabulary words, map identifications of states, countries, rivers, lakes, capitals, geographical zones, and random cities. that is what each test is.
and today is the first time i made a B on one of those tests.
i am very proud. and i worked very hard (very hard). but it just seems unfair that ever two weeks i will have to repeat myself and work very hard. it is not my only class. if it was my only class i would do fine. i wouldn't mind the work load. but i have 4 other classes that should be a lot harder, 3 of them pertain to my major. yet i am wasting all of my time learning about Peru and Colombia and the Leeward Islands, etc etc.
i am fed up with this class but there is nothing i can do about it because i don't have room in my schedule to retake it.

I have had my Degree Progress Report up on my moniter for 3 days now. Everyday I look at it an scribble notes of what I am missing and what I need to take.
I have run into one problem.
I need 124 hours to graduate.
Yet if I take 15 hours next spring, 15 hours in the summer, 15 hours in the fall I will somehow be 4 hours short. Which is dumb because you can't divide 124 by 3 so you have take TWO extra class than necessary to gradute.
WTF- I know.

So somehow I have to squeeze in two classes. I'm thinking a Maymester and 17 hours in the fall.
Sometimes I hate school, really. But I do like to learn. Just not when my life is judged on my As, Bs, and Cs. And depending on my grades is how my social life is judged. I don't even go out as much as the regular college student. I don't spend my whole studying either. But it's balanced.
(Instead of going to a party last Saturday, Greg and I read at Borders until 10 and then I went to bed at like 10:30. What 20 yr old does that?) I'm not complaining. I'm just saying that I work hard so it's a shame that sometimes my hard work isn't visible because I don't mesh well with a class. Or that despite the fact that I am driven enough to take a full semester of classes during summer I am still 4 hours short.

It's just frustrating. And overwhelming.

This Week, Next Year

2007-10-29T07:36:00.001-06:00

this week as follows

monday:
doctor
hereos
studying

tuesday:
test
job interview

wednesday:
french test
halloweeen
red, orange, and black dinner and scary movies!

thursday:
olive's surgery
grey's anatomy

friday:
doctor
parents in plano

i think it will be a good week (minus the two tests).

this past weekend was exactly what i needed/wanted. greg and i basically just vegged out the whole weekend. and i'm not exaggerating in the slightest. we watched hours of tv and spent even more hours reading. it was perfect. and lazy. i started and finished a book called 'the overachievers: the secret lives of driven kids." it was incredibly good and eye opening. and a true story. i suggest everyone read it.
the strange thing about this book was the author was following around a group of kids (all overachievers) who are in my graduating clas: 2005. and it made me think about me during my senior year of high school and while I was driven and ambitious I was definately not like these kids.
I stuck to one activity (theatre), kept my grades up, and spent the remaining time in church.
these kids did two sports, tons of community service, were in all AP classes- straight A students, etc etc etc.
But I never had a desire to go to an Ivy League school (which most of these kids did).
The author also wrote a book about sororities and I plan to read that next.

Speaking of school I've been planning my class schedule for next semester. And it's been a little stressful.
I am graduating early and I need the hours to do so. I need religion classes and English classes and a science class (one more) and a sophomore English class. All by next Fall 08. It's doable I think. But I also want to work next semester and I need a schedule that has a couple hours open each week. SO after about 2 hours of going over my schedule I think I have one planned to the T.
There is one class I might have trouble getting into b/c I'm missing one of the prerequistes for it.
And there is another I don't REALLY need but I REALLY want to take (I need the upper level hours for it but not the section that it is in, if that makes sense).

I need to meet with an advisor.

ugghghghg

2007-10-25T21:12:00.001-06:00

this year me and food have not mixed well.
but this is probably the year that i have eaten the best.
i hope ALL of my symptoms are related and treatable so this can be done with.

i have a job interview tuesday.
wish me luck.

olive might have surgery soon.
boo.
she has some growth on her mouth. and
it keeps on growing.

the end.
for now.

open doors, ajar doors

2007-10-22T17:40:00.001-06:00

i haven't made coffee at home in forever. every morning greg and i go to starbucks.
that sounds a bit spoiled huh?

ok since it's cold outside i feel nostalgic. it means that i will think about greg a lot. and my family. and everything in the past.
and i won't really think about it but i will feel it- all the holiday memories.

and i know this is something that is so overdone. but i really want these:

they look really warm. i have no warm shoes. i have nice rain boots. nice converse shoes. and some very lovely flats. some great heels. but no warm shoes. maybe for christmas? but maybe not. i'm not really into the the whole "ugg boot" craze. but they do look warm.

both greg and i are looking for jobs.
yes, i'm employed at the GAP. and it's nice. i'm getting used to it. but i'm still looking for a different place to work.
so is greg. since FamilyNet is going under really soon.
i guess it would be more scary for us if I didn't have another year of school left. But thankfully I do. Which means I still have year to nestle (gratefully) under my parent's wings.

i'm thinking of wedding colours right now. i know we aren't having a big big big blowout but it still needs a theme to tie it all in.
i'm thinking jewel tone green, gold, and cream.
i want it to be holiday-ish. but i don't like silver. i don't really like reds too much (at least not for my wedding) and green was a colour we thought of using for the other wedding plans.

speaking of colour tonight greg and i had an orange dinner. a scrumptious orange dinner thanks to Central Market.
mac n cheese
apricot glazed carrots
pumpkin chiffon pie

i feel like i've written a lot but that i have a lot more to say.
how about...i don't know what i want to do with myself when i graduate?
but that i'm praying God will open some door for me. But right now there are a million doors- all ajar.

monday of monday

2007-10-22T16:07:00.001-06:00

i just painted my nails. something i haven't done in a couple of months and it looks weird. but i'll get used to it soon.
navy blue is supposed to be THE colour of the season. mine are black right now. but i'll probably buy navy blue to be in style.
i'm eating fatty foods tonight because tomorrow i can have no fats so on wednesday my gall bladder will nicely on a sonogram- or that's what i assume is the reason i'm restricted to fruit and broth tomorrow.
central market here i come.

greg starts work again tonight. well starbucks work. he's been back at FamilyNet now. but he hasn't gone back to starbucks since the surgery. so it'll be weird. a lot like last year maybe? this is around the time when we started falling in love. it's the weather of when we started falling in love.

it is 51 today. i love it.

we took olive to a new vet today because she has a little growth on her mouth. supposedly it's a benign pollop (sp?) but i'm worried because it keeps on growing. we're supposed to moniter it and then she'll probably have a little surgery.

well. time to go feed olive.
then grocery shopping.
then GREGORY.
and studying-kinda.
and who knows!

1129

2007-10-22T08:04:00.000-06:00

we officially have one year, one month, and twenty nine days until our wedding.
time is slowly flying. (that right there contradicts itself but makes somewhat sense)

i love the fall

2007-10-19T15:35:00.000-06:00

i don't listen to music anymore.
i just realized that. or i have been realizing it but not wanting to say it because music is one of those "central" things in life.
to fill the lack of noise i usually turn on the t.v.
and i'm always in the car with greg. and we talk. or not talk.
but rarely music. i know he listens to it in the car. he's in the car more alone than i am.
i don't like ipods really- the earbuds hurt my ears- and i sold my this summer for the macbook.

i like fall a lot right now. i love not worrying about sweating.
i love that i can leave my AC off now.
i love that i can burn my pumpkin candle and not be wishful for fall but glad that it is here.
hot drinks seem more apporiate.
and i can wear layers and layers and layers.
the only downer is wearing socks. it takes me awhile to get used to socks after not wearing them for so long.
(and equally long to not wear them in the summer after wearing for them so long)

i love that now that it is fall my white sheets look like a warmer white whereas in the summer they looked cool and light.
now that look like snow. and marshmellows. and sugar. and steam.

10 months and one day

2007-10-19T07:26:00.000-06:00

so yesterday greg and i marked 10 months off our calendar.
it's not a long time. and i want it to feel that way. because 10 months is nothing compared to the years and years we get to be together.
but 10 months is significant in that it is 10 months that we have spent together. 9 of which we have not been a day apart.
10 months that we have spent almost every day blissfully happy, supoorting each other, learning about each other, loving each other. and we get 10 more plus 10 more plus 10 more plus forever.
i couldn't be happier.

i usually don't notice when we've hit a "month anniversary" because the real dates that i'm counting down on are the ones that led us closer to the wedding.
but the significant thing is that we starting dating on the 18 and we are getting married on the 20 (both of december) so as we get closer and closer to the holidays we get closer and closer to those dates. nice.

last night- after i got off work- greg and i made stew. veggie stew and beef stew. it was great. it wasn't totally stew weather but the weather was perfect. and grey's anatomy was perfect. and the bakalava for desert was perfect too.

i have a midterm next week.
and halloween is the week after.
and then it's time for THANKSGIVING!

soup weather

2007-10-17T07:41:00.000-06:00

i watching cooking shows- not religiously- but enough that i feel like to be a proper adult i am supposed to have many dinner parties with interesting foods, games, and cocktails. but unfortunately most of the food they tell you to cook centers around meat. which makes sense because we're a meat eating society, but this girl is not a meat eater.
sometimes i crave salmon or a steak or a burger or turkey with cranberry sauce or scallops. but i can't bring myself to eat meat. i can cook meat, maybe not well- i can't tell if it's cooked well because i won't taste it. but i don't mind cooking it.
i guess that's where greg comes in? he can be the meat cooker for all of the dinner parties we host like proper adults do.

there is a man on TV who has a campaign going that's about not complaining for 21 days. i was thinking about it and i think it would be really hard. sometimes i just complain to make conversation. i wonder if i could do it, i wonder if i should try?

we bought olive a dog house last night. an expensive dog house. but it's supposed to rain a lot today and we don't want her to be all soaked. we had the back shed open for her for awhile but she started getting into the trash in there and making huge messes. so we bought a dog house. we wanted to make one and maybe one day we will. but for now it was easiest to just buy one. i don't think she trusts it yet, it probably reminds her of the crate too much. her paws keep getting caked in mud and stuff- poor doggy. i think she's getting a bath tonight.

it's been soup weather. i love soup weather. just not rainy muddy soup weather. just cold soup weather.

2007-10-16T14:01:00.000-06:00

i have a sonogram scheduled for next wednesday. to look at my gall bladder. not for babies.
everyone keeps thinking "maybe your pregnant." which is discouraging to my morality (rather our morality) because if you know me and greg then hopefully you know that we are waiting till marriage.
which might be too much information for some- but in today's world- where sex sex sex is everywhere- then i'm sure that my bluntness is not shocking at all.

so there.

my stomach hurts. not in the queezy way but in an actual aching way. it hurts to walk or move. i'm guessing it's sore because it used muscles it's not used to using, extensively. at least i hope that's the reason.

it's a lovely 81 degrees outside but it looks colder so therefore it feels colder. i am cold. i've been cold since early this morning. usually i love being cold but i know that i'm just tricking myself into thinking it's colder than it actually is. and maybe that's why i'm so cold right now?

i really do want to do better in school. i feel inspired. but also tired. so it's a weird mixture of wanting to do better and wanting to just sleep.

i have to leave soon for a film lab on Hinduism. If i remember correctly I liked learning about Hinduism my freshman year. But I also need to work on some geography homework so I might do that during the film lab.

is it a fashion faux pas to wear socks with ballet flats?
probably.
but i don't care.

time to go.

tuesday monday sunday

2007-10-16T07:32:00.000-06:00

just a quick update.

sunday night i ate thai food with greg. about two hours later i started throwing up. and that was how i spent my sunday night. and when i wasn't throwing up i was tossing and turning trying to sleep.
so greg took me to the doctor in the morning but they were still closed. and my mom told me to take some medicene that helps with nausea but i threw that up.
so then finally when the doctor was open they hooked me up to an IV of saline solution and gave some dissolving-on-the-tongue anti-nausea medicene. i spent like 4 hours at the doctor and then the rest of the day sleeping at home.
and now, today, i am ok again.

escept i'm freaking out about my classes. i'm doing good in three of them and badly in two of them. or worse than i would like to be doing in two of them.

so that's all

A Very Wonderful Weekend

2007-10-14T08:38:00.001-06:00

one hour and thirty or so minutes until church. we're going to a new church this morning. not b/c we don't like Hope Church but we've heard great things about TCBC.

yesterday my parents came into town. i love it when my parents come and visit me. or when i have long weekends to go and visit them. besides that fact that they are my parents and i love being with them, them visiting me means that i clean.
i am a clean and organized person but sometimes school and naps and other things get in the way of that and suddenly i find myself with dusty blinds and folders skewed across my floor and all of my bowls and spoons needing to be washed. but my parents coming over inspires me to take those two hours out of my schedule and clean. and i couldn't be more pleased with the result. even greg was thought my place looked nice. it did. it looked peaceful. and my mom bought me a pumpkin-scented candle which i have been burning to no prevail- so my house is not only peaceful but it is fall scented. it is cozy!

we ended up eating brunch together and taking my parents to go see Olive. we also went to the GAP at the mall and the saw the movie 3:10 to Yuma. That was a good movie. I'm glad we saw it. I wish I had a house for whenever my parents came and visited me, a house with a guest bedroom. So they could go and take a nap and then come out later and we could go do more things.

I'm not too sure when we're moving (my parents, not me and Greg). I'm excited and sad for when that day comes. It means no more Plano but it also means new house and new environment.

Last night, after my parents left, Greg and I went to Southlake. We ate at a really good Thai Place (I'm so lucky to have found someone who loves thai food as much as I do) and then we had almost even better ice cream. It was the perfect night. The weather was fantastic.

And now we are going to church to complete a very wonderful weekend.

gummi bears and dust

2007-10-12T10:52:00.000-06:00

i am hungry and bored.
so as a result i am eating gummi bears. i forgot how good they are.

(i took that picture with my computer!)

so i feel like my allergies are especially bad when i am in my apartment. it is when my eyes are the watery-iest.
i didn't know why that was until a few minutes ago when i was lying on my bed doing a crossword puzzle. my bed is right by my windows which has lovely rays of sunlight streaming through the blinds.
well, i look up at my window- mid thought of a crossword clue- and i see on my blinds thick layers of dust.
so it is entirely probably that dust is causing my eyes to become fountains.

who cares that the dishes are done and the laundry is almost all caught up- no i have dust.
always something!

dogs, allergies, HAIR

2007-10-12T07:30:00.000-06:00

I'm trying to make my hair curlier. but my hair isn't curly or straight. it's not even nicely wavy. parts are super curly, parts are wavy, others straight. so that gives me nothing to work with that could be considered pretty.
i would just straighten my hair all the time- somehow it's easier than making my hair curly- but it is bad for hair and my hair always looks ugly after three days of straightening. AND since i'm not getting my hair cut until december I need it to look good for another two months.

so i promised pictures of Brownwood, Texas but really- they aren't that good. They are blurry and do no justice to the day. Just know that the trip was great and hanging out with Jimmy and Sarah was tons of fun.

Allergies have been really bad lately. I've been naseaus and foggy and headachey and blurry visioned and sniffly. I hate them.
I also went to the doctor on Tuesday to try to figure out my stomach problem but it's still being determined. I go back this coming Tuesday. I got a new prescription to. I think it might be working?

the dog adoption day I helped plan was a big success. it was a lot of fun and there were a lot of dogs on campus.

my parents are coming in town this weekend. i'm excited. it's always nice to see them- i feel like it's been forever since i last saw them.

oh yesterday i downloaded the new radiohead cd, in rainbows. greg was practically salivating over it. it's neat b/c you get to pick your own prices for it- which is probably the only reason why i downloaded it. other than the fact that i am madly in love with greg and i want to buy him the world.
go download it.
www.inrainbows.com

pictures of the dog day
(the first ones are taken by my friend christina who has a grrreat camera)

olive looking incredibly beautiful

greg, olive, and myself on the steps of robert carr chapel. also, angie is in the background. she owns bailey- olive's new best friend.

my new favourite picture of the three of us

picture by a guy named michael

nice, colder day

2007-10-09T07:25:00.000-06:00

today should be a good day.

1. it's colder outside.
2. greg has thingy, a good thingy.
3. i get to go to the japanese gardens
4. i recently discovered how GOOD cinnamon life (the cereal) is.

i did end up having a fall break this past week! greg and i went to brownwood, texas with his friend jimmy. both greg and jimmy went to howard payne university and hpu is in brownwood. so i decided it would be fun to see where greg spent 4 years of his life. and it was. i will post pictures later. unfortunately my camera is losing it's quality and some/most of the pictures are blurry. but it's ok.

i am really excited about october. greg and i bought two pumpkins from brownwood. one adorns my balcony and the other sits on his porch.

i've kinda been in a constant stage where i don't really care about school. i do my work, etc but i'm pretty much tired of classes and school. i'm ready to graduate. but unfortunately i have 439 days until that. i only know that b/c that's the day of the wedding.

OCTOBER!

2007-10-04T08:24:00.000-06:00

breakfast:
1 triple tall americano with a splash of soy milk
1/2 of a maple doughnut
1 lowfat peach yogurt

i am trying to think about eating healthier but I think I failed with the maple doughnut.
well I really do eat healthy but lately my diet has consisted of burritos and ice cream. i'm not exaggerating in the slightest. my favourite food is chiptole vegetarian burritos (or the bols, those are good too). and greg and I have been eating ice cream almost every night. but mine is sorbet- so that counts for something right?

Today is the start of Fall Break. Unfortunately I have to work. I also have to work Saturday which means Greg and I can't go anywhere this weekened. Not even a day trip. I'm a little disappointed. I've never done anything for Fall Break-I've always gone home. But it would be nice to have the option. Next year we will go somewhere.
It's only 9:30ish and I've already done laundry and organized stuff and made my bed, etc. I'm going to go work on some homework in a few minutes. Thankfully one of my papers and one of my tests was pushed back a day next week.

A lot of Halloween stuff is out right now. I feel all nostalgic from last year. Around Halloween was when Greg and I started to really like each other. We might dress up as vampires this year!!! If we have some place to go on Halloween.

Oh! Here is a flyer for an event I'm helping to plan on campus. It's all about animal awareness and adoptions, etc. Christina, a very talented graphic designer made this flyer and a t-shirt in the same colour scheme, etc. Isn't it great?

the first of many

2007-10-02T14:37:00.000-06:00

well i had my first midterm today. judaism. i could've studied more but i think i did ok.
i realized that i have to bring up my grades in french and geography. uggggh.

today i am working on a french portfolio for my french class. it's not due til the end of the year but she wants to see our progress.

greg and i started watching Heroes. we are almost done with season one. one more episode. which means we will be all caught up for the third episode of season 2. good enough.

Fall Break starts Thursday. I am jealous of everyone who gets to go somewhere. I have to work which means no vacation for me. Oh well.

Greg is doing a lot better. You can't really tell that he has had surgery. I'm happy his recovery went so well.

My friend Seth sent me a letter from DC yesterday. He's interning up there. He's a very good letter writer- I fall short in this area.

I finally did some laundry today but I am procrastinating on taking it out of the dryer. Once it is out of the dryer it means it has to be folded.

Olive chewed up the water hose at Greg's house. She is having fun dragging it around the backyard. We got her a new collar and some dog treats the other day. She is crazy. Greg thinks she is mentally challenged. I think she is wild.

Long Time, No Write

2007-09-29T10:20:00.001-06:00

it has been forever since i have written. things have been busy. or when they have not been busy i've been reading. i am so glad i'm slowly getting sucked back into the life of books. i used to be such a good reader. it was all i ever did when i had a free moment. but then college took over my life and it was difficult to balance all of the many things that college slams at you and my mom was sick and i didn't really ever want to think so i spent all of my free time on the computer.
but thankfully i think i have learned how to prioritize my time so i can now enjoy a good book.

i think i am actually doing well in school this semester. so far. i don't want to jinx it. i'm trying to pull of 2 As, 2 Bs, and Pass/No Grade.
The Pass/No Grade will be for French and I can go ahead and tell you that I am doing VERY BAD in French so it will most likely be a No Grade. That's not to say I'm not trying- I probably could be trying harder- but I would rather focus my time on my religion classes than spending hours and hours trying to learn all of the French that I should've learned in high school but somehow didn't.
The other class I am worried about is Geography. Greg is a Geography master. I'm amazed and jealous everytime I ask him a question about a place on map- not only can he pinpoint the place in less than 30 seconds but he can also tell me 7 random facts about the place. I am not spending enough time studying Geography and we have tests every week- that's a short amount of time to learn about a country and then have a test over it. It's a 1000 level class but the professor treats it like it's a 3000 level class, that's annoying.

Today is a good day so far. It seems like it will remain a good day. Greg and I got coffee early this morning and then we went to Central Market where it was nice and quiet and I bought little fall squashes and pumpkins to decorate my balcony with. I then went home and spent an hour re-organizing my closet and dresser and I have a nice pile of clothes to donate now!

Greg is doing so much better than he was a week ago. He's moving faster and he's off pain medications. He went to work yesterday- a half day. I just hope that once he's healed the pain he's been experiencing will go away for good.

OH. The biggest news is that I'm moving. Well technically not me. But my parents. My mom and step-dad. I've lived in our house in Plano for about 15 years (granted the last 3 have been spent in Fort Worth but I've spent holidays and summers there and it's still my home) but ever since my parents got married they have wanted to move to Dallas. Paul works in Dallas and my mom wants to be closer to the church, etc etc. Well they've had some setbacks to keep them from moving right away but they finally found a townhome that they really really really like. So they put down a contract on it a couple of days ago and in about a month we will have a new house.
I wonder if it will still feel like home?
I'm exicited and a little anxious and very nostalgic.

greg's surgery

2007-09-24T08:29:00.000-06:00

So Greg had surgery this Friday. It went very well. He's already doing a billion times better.

On Friday we got up really early and got ready for the day. Greg took me to Starbucks so I could be caffienated- he wasn't allowed to have any coffee. We got to the surgery center around 7:40 and it was bustling full of people. Greg didn't go into the back until 8:00ish and about then is when my mom showed up! I went back to be with Greg before he went into surgery and it was weird because I've never seen him in a hospital-type setting and that was about when my nerves started kicking in. I had to leave after 20 minutes or so and I went back to be with my mom.

My mom decided to come and be with us on Greg's surgery day, she brought over a bunch of groceries and comfort! We hung out and talked in the waiting room and I went on a breakfast run (which I feel guilty about because I left but Mom didn't know where anything was in Fort Worth and we were starving). Finally around 12:00 the doctor told us that Greg was out of surgery and he did well and I could go back there in 20 minutes.

20 minutes go by and a nurse takes me back where a very anthesia-filled Greg is laying. That was the wierdest part. He was so sleepy and I got all teary-eyed. We had about another hour to go until he could go home and I could stay with him in 5 minute increments for that hour.

When we finally got him home he went to bed and I went to the pharmacy and ran some other errands for us while my mom stayed at his house to make sure he was ok.

Friday night was the worst- Greg was nauseas and threw up which isn't good so I was on the phone with the doctor a lot and he got another prescription for some nausea medicene but later Friday night he was feeling a lot better and was able to eat some Chicken Noodle Soup- funny how that always works.

On Saturday he was feeling much better but spent most of the day sleeping. Sunday he was feeling even better and spent a lot of the day watching Gilmore Girls with me (and that is why I love him most). He takes pain pills every 4 hour and his appetite is increasing.

Today I could see the biggest change. He is more awake and feels a bit stronger. Hopefully he can get up and move around a bit. His mom is coming in today to help him with stuff while I'm at school. I'm excited and I know Greg is too.

Ugh, I have to go get ready for school and I have so much more I need to write.
But all in all Greg is doing fine.

nothing to do...at all

2007-09-20T15:34:00.000-06:00

i'm baking muffins. not from scratch. but i'm still baking muffins. kudos.
i am bored.
season 4 of gilmore girls is on hold. i am done done done with season 3.
i've spent most of my free time (until today) reading. i accidently got hooked on this really silly but good series about vampires and werewolves and greg and i bought all three of the books. i've finished a book a day and now i have no books to read right now.
but that gave me time to dust and do laundry and bake muffins.

OH! greg's surgery is rescheduled for tomorrow. tomorrow morning at 9:00.

that's all for now.

HOW

2007-09-15T20:45:00.000-06:00

somehow
somehow in all of the cosmos in the world
i have to sit next to dumbest med school students in the world.
all they are doing right now is looking at facebook and talking about who is hot and what they are like, etc.
like i want you to be my doctor!!!!
study. please study. talk about blood and cysts and fat clusters.

and my stomach hurts.

Thursday Stuff

2007-09-13T07:34:00.000-06:00

i have no Judaism class today because it is Rosh Hassanah. That's good because I have time to study for my Geography test.

For some reason Safari won't let me do tab browsing anymore. Ugh, it makes surfing the internet a lot less fun.

So I had one cup of coffee before my shower and I'm starting on my second. I'm guessing I won't be able to finish it. Me and dehydrating foods don't work so well anymore. And for that reason I'm going to try to cut down on sodium. I don't think I eat a lot of salt, my mom definately eats a lot more, I thought I had a good salt tolrance. Especially garlic salt. But for some reason I can't handle foods that dehydrate anymore, or I can I just drink way over 8 cups of water a day. More like 15 plus more and more and more.

I need to see the Grand Canyon. I haven't ever seen it. It's on the Today Show right now.

Greg and I haven't made it to Borders yet. We've been meaning to. I guess we'll just go on our usual Friday.
Tuesday night we ended up taking naps and baking cookies.
Wednesday we took Olive to the dog park and I studied Geography and we watched Top Chef.

So next week, exactly next week, Greg is having surgery. At 9:30. Please pray that the doctors do well and that Greg does well.

OK STUDY TIME

FALL IS COMING

2007-09-11T07:48:00.000-06:00

it is cold outside! ok not freezing. but last time I was outside it was 68 degrees. That is cold. For me.
I am so excited. It is a perfect day! Cold and I have an americano and tonight is Borders night! Usually Borders night is on Friday but Greg and I missed it last Friday so we're going tonight. I am writing a paper and Greg will read his new favourite book.

Fall is coming! But I think it's going to get hot again.
I'll relish in it for now though.

***
I am adding on to my previous post.
Ok so it IS colder outside. I was actually a little chilly walking home from class. Today is a chai tea, soup, and blanket cuddley type of day. It's a day where I can actually were a jacket and not feel like a wierdo because everyone else is in tanktops. It's a day where I can cast disdainful looks at people who are not dressed in fall-type clothes but think it's still summer and they are in skirts and shorts and flipflops!!!

I love today.

Monday Night

2007-09-10T19:05:00.000-06:00

i am bored. my eyes hurt. i've watched too much Gilmore Girls. Yep, I have not been able to stop watching the DVD sets (thanks to elise for supplying me). Anyways I'm on Season Two....two more episodes left until Season 3.
BUT I did just read for Church Traditions.
I'm making tea right now.

Greg is at work. I am at home. My phone is either in the car (which he is driving) or at his house (where I was earlier). So there is no way to communicate between us. It's wierd. I talk to Greg A LOT A LOT and we see each other A LOT A LOT (except when I decide to not go to Starbucks- which I now regret!). So not being able to talk to him makes me realize how much I do talk to him or think about him or think about talking to him. I'm obsessed.

And I'm always thirsty. Always.

how time has flown

2007-09-10T07:42:00.000-06:00

Happy Monday.
It's rainy outside and that is a good thing. Except I have to walk to school. Oh well. It's inevitable.

If it was sunny outside I would talk about how the sun is definately different in September. It's a fall-ish sun. Clearer, yellower (in a golden way), and a bit brighter. The summery sun (June, July, August) is brighter in a flourescent way. It's not appealing.
Has anyone noticed that the mornings are crisper? The air. That means that fall is coming.
Which means that Greg and I can start talking about "last year" more. As in our memories from last year. Because we've known each other for a year now. Isn't that crazy?
Another reason why I love fall.

We took Olive to the dog park on Friday and on Sunday morning (before church). She loved it. I've only seen her play so hard once. She was in absolute dog heaven. AND she actually played really well with the dogs. Usually she has so much energy that she is relentless with the other dogs- always wanting to play. But I think since the backyard and the fact that Greg and I are with her with more she has less anxious energy.
No signs of any seizures so far. I'm so nervous with eveeeeeeeerrrrrrry move she makes. Goodness.

So Greg and I really enjoy going to Hope Church on Sundays. He knows people there so it's not completley awkward and it's the only church we've visited that hasn't bored us to death and has decent worship. We haven't been able to go the past two weeks (Week 1- the housewarming party and week 2- in plano). But it was nice to go yesterday. What's even nicer was that service doesn't start until 11:00. And get this- we're probably going to join a Couple's Bible Study. I like having a church. I haven't really had a church home since I went to TCU. I mean, I worked at my old church in Plano all last year but it wasn't really like my home. I had to travel a long way to get there and I didn't really grown any and I was only there once a week. Proximity is key, so is growth- and community.

Well. I've figure out that we have about 1 year and 3 1/2 months until we get married. I think Time Has Flown.
Thank goodness.

Care

2007-09-07T08:33:00.001-06:00

a much better day is happening today. already. it's only 9:30. which i guess is late to some ppl. But I feel like it's early today.
It's friday. I have only ONE CLASS today. which means I need to get caught up in all my other classes I've been somewhat neglecting.

Greg and I are going to Plano (again) tonight. I need to pick up my car. It's all fixed now. I'm going to miss having the rental car.

So I had this scary thought the other day.

I was thinking about nice it would be if Olive could go visit my parents. she used to do that alot when she was 2-3 mos old. Then she got bigger and hyper-er and my parent's dog, Mia is older and doesn't always want to play like Olive does. So bringing Olive to my parents is kind of like one big trip to Chuck-E-Cheese but with one kid who wants to constantly play and another who wants to go to the mall (Mia). Bad analogy- I know.

But I was thinking oh, we could bathe Olive and put her TCU bandanna on her and my parents could see how much she has grown and she could stay out in the backyard when she gets too much for Mia.

here comes the scary part.

My parents have a pool. But what if Olive had a seizure and then there's the pool...and...well...

I hate even thinking that!! Poor Olive. It's weird, caring so much about something. Like I care about my parents and Greg immensely. These are thoughts I would have for them- but for my dog? I never thought that I would care so much about someoneanimal who wasn't my mom, step-dad, or future husband. Like since Olive's seizure, I watch her every move. Each little noise frightens me. And maybe that will pass. I am sure it will.
It's just scary. The seizure and the caring and everything else.

I really pray that my kids are healthy.

But Olive's been fine since Monday. She has a lot of energy. We really want to take her to the dog park but it's been rainy which means the park is muddy. So maybe today. No rain= non-muddy ground.

since this morning

2007-09-06T17:56:00.000-06:00

so i've been trying to write this blog entry since 9:00 this morning.
i am glad i haven't thought. i've been too much of a basket case today.

why?
financial issues. and it's not like i should have any because btwn my job and my parents i am doing quite well. but unfortunately some how i messed up and it's just been messy.
it sucks because i try really hard to be adequate and perfect in all areas of life. i don't know how some ppl do it. but they do- or they put on a really good show.

i always come up short.

i guess it's trial and error.

greg has surgery on thursday the 20th of september. please pray for him!

what is right is right is right

2007-09-05T07:48:00.000-06:00

what do you do when you know something is so right...but there are about a million snags to get there?
i guess you work through the snags.
perhaps i am not patient enough?
i feel pretty patient these days.
we'll see.
but please pray for us (greg and me). that if what we think is right, truly is right...and if it is right for us then to let us get there (rightly).

also. olive is doing well. you wouldn't even know that she had a seizure on monday. that is good. really good.

seven things discussed

2007-09-04T13:20:00.000-06:00

so the entry i posted this morning is throughly depressing- in my opinion. i've spent most of the day moping around feeling bad about absolutely everything. as greg wisely said, "when it rains, it pours." and pouring it has successfully done today.
but i do not want to continue to think bad,sad,mad thoughts so instead i will go back to an entry before the one about Olive and talk about this previous weekend. i'll try to hit on most of the areas. not all of them- some have to wait.

1. cakes.

since changing the whole feel of the wedding from hugely ornate spectacle to intimate family orientated dinner, Greg and I were pretty adament about not having a cake. but my parents heard about a bakery that was big in Dallas and was operated by a woman who had had a bone marrow transplant. if you know me then you probably know that my mom also had a bone marrow transplant. so my mom was really eager to go to this bakery and meet this lady and get a cake. so the four of us: mom, paul, greg, and me (is that proper english?) all go to Panini Cakes. we end up tasting four flavours and picking three for our three-tiered cake.
biggest tier: white with white chocolate mousse and fresh raspberries. it was AMAZING.
second tier: chocolate with chocolate mousse.
last tier: chocolate with cappucino mousse.

the actual decoration of the cake is TBD, but we pretty much have an idea.

2. all four of us saw about a billion possible reception sites on Saturday. I was quite discouraged when each place we saw had something wrong with it (be it price or handicap accessibility) that made it impossible for our reception. Greg and I were quite overjoyed when we found out that the Park Cities Club could accomadate the size and the feel of our wedding perfectly. I would post a picture of it but the pictures don't do it justice...at all. Anyways. The room we're probably going to get has a great view (its up high) and a fake fireplace (a bummer, but it's still a fireplace which is what I wanted), and enough room for everyone of our guests.

3. on sunday we went to cox chapel to go look (again) at the chapel we're getting married in!!! and then we met Revs. Barbara and Walt Marcum for lunch at the Landmark Hotel. We then asked BOTH of them to marry us. They said yes. So we are getting married by two married ppl who Greg and I both adore!

4. Greg had his first band rehearsal of his old band Pherigo. It went wonderfully. He said he was really happy that the band could remember all of the old songs. It was a pleasure to watch him and them play!

5. skip for now.

6. At the Gap, I was told to try on jeans so I could tell the customers how they fit. All of the sizes I picked out (which I thought I was) were too baggy and too big. YESSSS. This means I really have lost weight and I am almost back to my old size, a 4. I think I'm lingering btwn 4-6 right now. I'm fine with both. It was good news to my ears. I had gained a considerable amount of weight my freshman yr of college (aka freshman 15) so it's nice to know that it's leaving.

7. we got to hold Amelia Hope Meinecke. Greg's friends Gary and Shannon had their daughter two Friday's ago. She is precious. Here are pictures!!!!

so with all of that being listed I do feel better when I think about the good things of this weekend. I should also mention that Greg and I had Magic Movie Night on Sunday. We rented "The Prestige" and "The Illusionist." It was nice.

olive

2007-09-04T07:21:00.000-06:00

last night our dog, olive, had a seizure.

it was probably one of the most sobering, terrifying experiences i have ever had.

on sunday. greg and i came home from our mini-vacation in plano and olive was acting fine. in fact she was a bit annoying. she was desperate to play and it was rainy outside and we wanted to watch movies and she kept doing her puppy thing of shoving her slobbery toys into our hands. it was also cute.

the next day. monday. we didn't have work or school. so we spent most of the day napping and stuff. that evening we gave olive her food. she was acting normal. and then she stopped eating. and came into the living room- walking slowly-drunkenly. she then layed down on the floor- almost as if she was tired from the short walk. she then walked over to me and i asked her to come up on the couch with me but before she could do that she collapsed on the floor. i'll save anyone the scary details of what happened next. but it was decided that we would all take her to the emergency vet. when we got her in the car she started to return to normal but she was groggy and tired and out of it.
and then by the time we got her to the emergency vet she was more excited about the other dog in the room than anything else. she was fine.

the vet said it probably was seizure. and that the only thing we could really do right now was keep an eye on her and watch to see if she has anymore again. then we time them and see how many she has each month.

the one good thing of all of this was that we found where there are 2 emergency vets close by. that is good. b/c before that we had NO idea where they were and we were all freaking out about where to go.

there is olive at 41/2 months. she's 7 mos now.
so if anyone prays and thinks that praying for animals isn't silly then just pray that she doesn't have anymore seizures.
thank you

things i want to talk about in the next few posts

2007-09-02T17:45:00.000-06:00

update of this weekend. things i want to talk about in the next few posts.

1. we have a cake now. we didn't want a cake. but we have a three tiered lovely cake.
2. we have a reception site.
3. we have pastors.
4. greg had his first band rehearsal.
5. france
6. i am now a size 4. but a 6 on some things?
7. we got to hold a baby.

that is all.

hello friday

2007-08-31T07:35:00.000-06:00

i just deleted a lot of un-necessary posts. why? they were repetitive and boring and ranty and long or frivilous. it made sense at the time.

it is morning. i am drinking coffee. staring at my bowl of unfinish cheerios. thinking of finishing the last bite.

so late tonight we're heading to plano. olive will be staying home. robert is watching her. i think she likes him better. he lets her on his bed.

on saturday we're looking at places for our wedding dinner (remember- no reception- just a nice dinner). i hpe that means that we get to try a lot of food. probably not.

saturday night greg has his first band practice with the newly reformed pherigo. (is it wierd that my future last name is the name of a band- yes.)

then on sunday we're seeing the chapel we're getting married in. and asking the pastors to marry us.

i have no desire to do anything this morning other than sit here and type and drink my mediocore coffee. but unfortunately i have class at 10:00. then a 3 hour break. then french. then my second day of work.

Oh work.
ok. so yesterday was my first day at the GAP. as any of our readers might know i've had some doubts about working there. but i went in early (like 2 hours) to go look at my schedule and i was given an employee coupon for the Fall line. this made my day. it was a wicked discount. so Greg and I decided to use it to my advantage and i spent way to much money yesterday on clothes. more than i can really afford. but i also bought a baby gift and Greg a gift. and i'm really happy with my purchases. I am really happy with the employee dicounts. and there is so much more i want to buy right now but I know that i can't. like i really want to buy some of the lounge wear- before the Christmas stuff comes out. Maybe on the 15th when I get more money?

but besides the discount the actual job is ok. I have minimal retail experience so it was kinda confusing learning everything and trying to remember it. it's fairly easy though. i think it will get easier.

the downside. my feet have never hurt so horrible. and my left knee. and i was just utterly exhausted. which was wierd b/c it wasn't like i did any back-breaking work. but i kinda relate it to the first-day-of-school-exhaustion. it's just a lot.

supposedly there is 15 months and 20 days until our wedding.
when i don't count everyday in anticpation it is much easier on my mind and heart!

what is in a denomination?

2007-08-28T17:05:00.000-06:00

i now know that tuesdays are long days. two 1.5 hours classes and a film lab (today's film had no words).

i am still hungry. i just ate some leftover soup and i've been munching on chips. in my bed. but i deserve a small rest. because soon i'll be writing a paper.

so.
greg and i spent our lunch hour talking about life after the wedding. and the possibility and the what if of doing something great.
so, some plans are being considered right now.
but that is all i am going to say.

now on a different note.
i have never realllllly identified with a certain denomination. i grew up kinda methodist. i went to methodist sunday school. then we stopped going. then i went to Grace. and i suppose up until my sophomore yr i have affiliated myself as non-denominational/pentecostal/bible church/charismatic/baptist. or whatever my old place of employment was. Probably just bible church. for awhile i was confused about what pentacostalism was and told ppl i was that (thinking Grace was that) they gave me wierd looks and while I am sure not all pentacostalism is so extremely far out- it still causes some ppl to raise their eye brows (snake charming, tongues, etc- i am still unsure about speaking in tongues).

and then came reformed calvinistic presbytarian. that is how i started my sophomore yr. i spent my time reading calvin and trying to make sense of TULIP and what it meant to me and to my friends who weren't christian and to what my professors were saying about religion.

i still don't know.

now greg and i are on a church hunt. we think we might've found a good Fort Worth church. i don't know what the denomination really is. i don't totally care. to me church is a community experience. teachings and scriptural reminders are all great but without a supportative community everything lacks. it'd be like going to another class but not knowing anyone in the class- or having them not care about you at all.
so a community of believers. and even if my denomination beliefs were different than the congregation as whole i think it might still be ok. we believe in the same basic truths. and even more- we support each other and help to lift each other up upon believing them.

so. i am excited about the possiblity of continuing at Hope Church.

monday blues

2007-08-27T17:10:00.000-06:00

mondays haven now become yuck days to me.
i hate them. they always start out well. but don't be decieved. oh no, mondays end horribly. well, right now it is ok. but the afternoon. yuck.

so my hopes of working in the reli. dept were crushed fast. they can't afford me. not b/c i'm expensive. i just need at least 300 a month and they can't do that. so nevermind!

but i am still looking. and i will be until i find a good school-flexible job.
ALSO it was wicked hot today. and humid. this did not fair well for my hair which i didn't dry or anything today.

classes that i liked today:
church traditions- kinda- following lahutsky is kind of a like following olive when she is chasing other dogs. it is hard to do.
religion, art, and visual culture- it went by fast. that is a pro.
french- talked to my prof about HOW BAD I AM AT IT and she seemed to like the fact that i talked to her. so i guess that is good. brownie points and everything.

i just got food up at central market. big salad (salad kick!) and some soup and a sandwich for greg and sandwich for darcy, etc.
i think i am still hungry. all that walking to school!

so my car damage is estimated around 1,700. i guess that is pretty good. i take it saturday to be fixed. niiiiice.

greg and i get to go visit his friends (our friends) gary and shannon and their new daughter on wednesday.
amelia hope was born on friday! yay babies! i am psyched.

time to copy long long long boring notes.

mondee

2007-08-27T07:28:00.000-06:00

once again i should be getting dressed. there is like 70 things i need to do this morning before I go to class.
I am proud of myself. I read a bunch of pages for school (church history) and it was all very interesting. now i actually retained that information....that's the question.

Greg and I had healthy-night last night. Which consisted of walking a lot and eating good food...kinda good food...mine was good.

I also tried to teach Olive fetch. She knows it. But not outside. She plays it inside like a champ. But not outside, no then she plays chase.

i am trying to score a job in the religion dept. like i did my freshman year. It was a decent job. I mean I am not going to be a student assistant for the rest of my life. But the religion dept is nice and cold and I know the ppl and it's close by and I like better there than at the GAP...even though I haven't start at the GAP.

speaking of jobs I need to work on my newest article for the Skiff.
and that means I need to start getting ready for school. which means I can't talk about the party. but it was a good party.

pictures of Greg's house!!!

2007-08-26T12:20:00.001-06:00

awesome kitchen!

mexican revolutionary portraits.

non fiction bookshelf and painted crawlspace (abstact chessboard)

dining room

ikea rug, painted t.v. stand.

poetry/drama bookshelf.

couch and the frame art we're still working on.

greg and olive and the entrance to the hallway.

the map bathroom. the best and most educational room in the house.

czech pride!!!

painted nightstand up close.

greg's bed/newly painted nightstand.

gregory and me!

olive after a long night!

some overdue pictures of my apartment

2007-08-26T12:15:00.000-06:00

here are some old pictures and overdue pictures of my place. there are none of the bathroom which is probably one of the cutest rooms in the apt. and none of my bed with my nice tree picture.

done and do

2007-08-24T09:05:00.000-06:00

some please applaud the fact that today i have:

1. made coffee
2. talk to my insurance ppl and the lady-who-hit-my-car's insurance ppl
3. did SOME homework
4. did laundry
5. picked up random things that were cluttering my apt
6. showered

i think that is good.

NOW TO DO

1. finish doing SOME homework
2. make lunch (spaghetttttiii!!!!)
3. make my bed
4. finish laundry
5. dishes
6. buy the rest of my books
7. go to class
8. go to traning
9. go to the dog park

i think those are all very doable

except maybe number one....

Tuesday

2007-08-21T07:40:00.000-06:00

day two of school
only two classes. but both are 1 1/2. which is long...for me.
judaism
geography

last night Greg went to work and I was stuck here b/c i accidently left my keys in his car. well about 30 minutes later i hear something being thrown at my window.
it was greg. throwing pecans. for like 6 minutes. instead of knocking on the door!
he wasn't scheduled to work. he thought he was. he even put on the apron.

so then we went to go eat at Charly's Old Fashioned Burgers b/c I'm doing a piece about burger joints from a veg perspective. Pretty good. Then we bought black paint and started to paint the HUGE coffee table we got from my parents. But we kept getting bit by mosquitos. I had three bits on my elbow and about eight on each ankle. It sucked.

So at Greg and Robert's they have a crawlspace and it's covered by a big piece of plywood. So we decided to paint a chessboard on the plywod. Except it didn't really turn out like a real chessboard. It's 8x8 like a chess board but it's more abstract (as in the squares don't connect b/c we only have 2 brush sizes and connecting the squares would require a lot more patience and work and clean paint lines).
It looks pretty cool.

So Wednesday will be coffee table painting day.

Saturday is party day!

Done done done

2007-08-17T09:59:00.000-06:00

all moved in. Greg is all moved in.
with the exception of most of his clothes and stuff. But for the most part everything is done and over with. Thank goodness. I have never been more sore in my life. It's from pulling up the carpet.
Over 10 hours we spent pulling little nails and tacks out of the floors and dusting and polishing and cleaning and scrubbing....but it's done. And it looks ok.

Yesterday we moved all of Robert's books in...and his 4 bookshelves! He has his books organized by Fiction, non-fiction, anthologies, and poetry/drama. That was probably the most fun of yesterday. Organizing the books.

They need rugs. Rugs for the parts of the floor that is yucky. I think we're putting up art work tonight. Maaaaaaybe.

Olive loves her backyard! That is probably my favourite part of the house. It's huge. Her favourite thing is the chase the water from the gardening hose. It's the best thing I have ever ever seen. She's turned more solemn and less anxious now that's she's spent most of her time outside. We hose her off about every hour so she can stay cool.
We bought her one of those inflatable kiddie pools (there are no plastic ones in FTW it seems!) so I guess we're blowing that up later.

Party next weeked. Yay.

i used to be a coffee addict

2007-08-12T08:17:00.000-06:00

it's true. i used to guzzle down cups and cups of coffee a day. like 6 or something. or more. and then i discovered espesso and would drink 6-9-12 shots of that stuff a day on top of like 4 cups of coffee. supposedly coffee has more caffiene but espresso tastes much better.
i don't know how i got down to where i am now.
most days i drink 1/2 of a cup. sometimes 2 cups. if i'm at starbucks in the morning that's when i'll do the triple tall americano. or an iced triple tall soy latte. but most mornings it's about a 1/2 cup of coffee.

i think i cut back this past spring. i guess the novelty of coffee has worn it's self out. i'm still devoted...i'm no coke drinker! but i am not frantically searching caffiene to make me awake.
but i bet this will all change when school starts and suddenly my 10:00 class feels like it's 7:00 in the morning and i need 4 cups of coffee and a red bull just to stay functioning....

who knows? but i am proud that i don't drink so much coffee these days. coffee is supposed to be good for you, so that's good. and i am grouchy when i don't have it at all...srsly you don't want to be around me. but i know i can kick the caffiene! way to go me.

on that note of encouragement this morning Greg and I are going to church. yup. we've decided to try Hope Church where some of his friends go. It's like right next to the dog park.
i feel like we've tried every church in FTW and none of them really seem to fit. maybe we go in expecting to much or too cynical or too something.... i really want us to find a church. Probably almost as much as I want us to get married NOW!

we're also driving to Dallas tonight. We're eating at a restaurant that might be our reception dinner restaurant and Greg is going to songwrite/play with his friends Jimmy and John. Which reminds me that I need to go the libraray and get a good book to read so I will have something to do.

good books are hard to find.

church

2007-08-08T20:55:00.001-06:00

tomorrow

we put down the depsoit on the church
Cox Chapel of Highland Park United Methodist Church
for December 20, 2008

this was our first pick for a church and we are so happy that we can get married here!

two things

2007-08-08T15:41:00.001-06:00

two things

1. planning the new wedding is like planning the old wedding except now we have to be more selective which sucks and so does finding a reception/dinner site. b/c i want it to have a fireplace!!!! texas is not fireplacey.

2. we want to live in montana

see why?

greg!

2007-08-08T09:00:00.000-06:00

so sometimes when i'm myspace stalking i randomly come across someone who has one of greg's songs as their profile songs (well either his solo album or his album from when he was in the band "pherigo") and everytime i get chills.

i love my fiance's voice.

Chef Love, 4 hrz, and DONE

2007-08-07T21:13:00.001-06:00

oooh oooh Greg is making eggs right now. Hooray for me. He's a good egg maker.

What a day!

Ok so Greg got a catscan today but the docters messed up and didn't tell him he couldn't eat or drink anything (he had coffee for breakfast). So greg had to drink some wierdy stuff. And then they messed up again and realized that they were sched. to scan the wrong area. So greg had to drink more stuff, except this stuff was iodine. And he had to wait 2 hrs.

I was taking my finals and when I finished I rushed to go sit with him. I think he was there for like 4 hours. On an empty stomach.

When he was finally done we went to the Love Shack, a hamburger place, so he could get some food!

Now I had some pretty high expectations for the Love Shack. Greg and I have a favourite chef. Chef Tim Love. He is our favourite b/c we saw him on Iron Chef and he has like three restaurants in FTW. Local Food Network celeb! So we went to his newest restaurant (Love Shack) and it truly is a shack...it's like a restaurant within two walls and no ceiling! Greg rated the burger as #1 our of Dutchs, Pappas, and Tommys. I give it a 5 for creativity and a good burger. But ultimatley I was disappointed.

BUT GET THIS! WE SAW CHEF LOVE! That is the first celebrity I have ever seen!!!! YAY!

We then took naps and ate dinner and took Olive to the dog park, etc.

I am officially done at UTA!!!

story of my life

2007-08-06T20:35:00.001-06:00

need a 5x8 notecard for the final tomorrow
go to staples
8.99. i need one. i think i got 400.

i can barely even lift them.

small!!

2007-08-04T09:20:00.000-06:00

my wedding excitement has re-flourished.

you know how i said it'd be pointless to have a small wedding?

forget it! plans are in the making!!

movies, music, and booze

2007-08-03T21:48:00.000-06:00

ok. it is almost 11:00. my housemates are having a party. i am not opposed to parties or them having one.
(they aren't really my housemates, i live in a garage apt in the back, we share a backyard and a washer and dryer. i don't even get to use the driveway!!!)

but bad reggea/hip hop/rap music? come on! i think sean paul was just playing. srsly!!
but then again i probably would have the worst party music ever...
some horrible pop/electronic/experimental stuff blasting from my macbook.

greg and i had a "date night" tonight. but it wasn't really. we were both incredibly stuffed from lunch so we decided to do take out from the Olive Garden and watch 300. which strangely i am way more into than greg. we didn't finish it b/c we had made plans to go see "chuck and larry" at the theatres.

(before we saw 300 we took olive to the dog park. she was fantastic and lovely and amazing and a great dog!!!)

so we went to the movie theatre and it was packed. from that moment greg and i made a vow that unless it was movie that we truly cared about we would not see a movie on the weekend.
of course our movie was basically sold out and people were all sitting with a seat btwn them and just kind of stared at us dumbly as we were scanning for seats. lame. finally a couple moved over and we were grateful but they seemed to put out to notice.

movie pet peeve 1: people who talk at regular volume in the movies. a lot of the time ppl do this during a loud part in the movie thinking it's ok and no one can hear them. they're dumb for thinking that. it's annoying.

movie pet peeve 2: cell phone lights. get off your phone. you can wait two hours to see what your friend texted you about her boyfriend's sister.

movie pet peeve 3: people who TALK on their cell phones during movies. this happened THREE times tonight. all by people who sat next to us. i think the people who moved for us had some type of something going on b/c they left early but STILL.

now for the booze part.
i don't really have a lot to say on this subject but lately i've been thinking about drunkeness and being drunk.
i don't know why people think it is cool to be drunk. i mean it kind of gives you this boast of confidence that let's all of your walls down. you kind of feel invincible and at the top of the world. but then you crash. or you drink more and you regret it horribly.

greg and i made a pact that we would never have more than one drink w/o the other there.
i added a clause today that said "if the drinking was spaced out as in: a mimosa in the morning and a glass of wine at night, it would be ok.
too much can happen off of a drink.

i am not so high and mighty that i have never had a drink in my life...or several.
but when i really think about it. the lack of authenticity that alcohol brings is nothing really to be proud of.
i remember being so appalled when i first came to TCU b/c of how much the campus promoted alcohol (not really the campus, like the dean, but the students, etc). it was just everywhere. it's hard to not get sucked into.

i guess it is just scary how something can change a person.
for better or worse.

now off to bed. i am going to stop being a slacker and acutally study tomorrow.
or that's the plan...

scone- basically rhymes with taunts (or so the british say)

2007-08-02T07:11:00.000-06:00

this is the last day of summer school.

correction. last day before finals. i will have my finals next tuesday.
i am excited. today for english history class we are bringing breakfast. last night i made scones and clotted cream. i hope they are still good. last night i was fairly impressed. i am not a baker. i've always wanted to be. i think i'd really love baking. but i am not a baker....
i did get to whip cream last night. that was great.

it was also Top Chef night. which meant at 9:00 Greg and I settled down and watched our current favourite t.v. show.
and it was nap night. that meant we took a nap!!!

i have a test today. so i should study RIGHT NOW.

my friend Tony got promoted as a manager for the store he works for. except he's a manager in Arlington now!!! Arlington is like 20 minutes away from FTW (30 on bad days) and that means he could move closer! right now he's commutng from The Colony which is like 45-an hour away...gross. although Tony is a fast driver. But I'm proud of him.

It's been raining the past few days...I like the temperature and even then mood that rain brings. But for poor Olive it means she's cooped up in the apt b/c the Dog Park is a swamp and there are soooo many puddles on the street. Less than 2 weeks until Greg moves!!!!!

Speaking of Olive she has taken to eating tons of plastic. Which I just read that when she chews on things like plastic it's a way for her to get her new teeth in firmly (or something like that) But still...she doesn't have to swallow it!!!
I'm a little worried.... I mean she could really be hurt by it....

Oh. I have an interview at the Gap next Wednesday. YAY.